Calling Dr Cullen
by Kizmet The Khaleesi
Summary: Dr Edward Cullen stands over the bed of coma patient, Isabella Swan. Once upon a time, in another life, she was his, and she still owns his heart and soul. But that wasn't her name back then. There is so much he never knew about her, but maybe now he can find out all her secrets. Like why she left him behind in Paris. Who is she, really? His Bella or someone else's? AH M E
1. Chapter 1

Calling Dr Cullen

Chapter 1

Prologue.

Calling Dr Cullen, Can You Mend a Broken Heart?

xxxxxx

"Dr Cullen to ER, calling Dr Cullen to ER."

Really?

I just left ER like two minutes ago. It seems yet again there will be no lunch break for Dr Cullen.

I tip the contents of the cup into the sink and toss the cardboard cup into the bin and make my way swiftly back to see what calamity beckoned.

The blond nurse who had caught my eye earlier smiles at me and I grin back.

Yeah baby, later. Maybe. Like Emmett says, I need to get back in the saddle.

Then I laugh because I came very close to punching him when he said that.

"We have a 26 year old male, single vehicle impact, suspected spinal fracture. Cubicle 7."

She hands me the file and stands much too close so I am overpowered by her Red Door perfume.

The patient lies pinned down unable to move until we get some x-rays.

"Hello..Michael," I read from his chart."I am Dr Edward Cullen. We are going to need some x-rays. Are you in any pain?"

"Nope, Doc, don't feel a thing. How's my girlfriend? Nobody will tell me anything."

I read his notes.

Passenger unconscious, taken to ICU.

"I will get a nurse to check on her for me. No pain? Can you feel this?" I press on his thigh and apply increasing pressure. He doesn't react. This is not good.

"Tell me when you touch me," says Michael Newton, son of Michael Newton Snr, owner of most of the small businesses in our tiny town of Forks.

I pin prick his heels and he ignores it. No feeling.

I order X-rays, full body scan and assure him I will find out about his girlfriend while he is gone.

I finish writing my orders on the chart and hand it to Blond and Busty.

The boobs are fakes but she got her money's worth. Not a bad job at all.

She takes the chart from me, accidentally grazing my fingers with hers.

As she walks away, she swings her skinny hips and wiggles her almost non existent backside. What a letdown. I like a woman built like a woman. If I liked size 0, I would probably be attracted to teenage boys. I shudder at the thought.

I have been here barely six months. I left Seattle behind and moved here to be closer to my parents who moved here to Forks about a year ago, and are already assimilated and accepted as locals. They are all the family I have now, my parents and my sister and brother.

"Irina, my patient Michael Newton has a girlfriend taken to ICU. Isabella Swan. She was unconscious. Can you get me an update on her condition, please."

Nobody needs me at this precise moment so I take advantage and go and make another coffee. which for once I get to drink.

I sit at the communal table. Laurent, or Dracula as they call him, is eating a hasty meal between calls.

He works in ICU but he is fascinated with blood disorders and writes for several medical journals in his spare time.

"How's it going?" I ask.

"We have a bad one. I don't think I have ever had a patient who lost this much blood actually be brought in alive."

"Nasty," I comment.

"Yeah, and such a beautiful girl. Her boyfriend lost control of his car and hit a tree. He probably broke his spine and she too copped the brunt of the impact. Not a single bone broken but one cut and she nearly bled out. Unlucky girl."

"Not Isabella Swan?" I ask.

"Yeah. You know her?"

"No, I am treating the boyfriend. Michael. I think Carlisle will be taking over, I am pretty sure he has a bad spinal break."

"Well, it can present worse than it is at first with all the swelling and pressure. It may not be permanent."

"I am not taking bets on that. Is she going to make it?" I enquire.

"Its touch and go. I have never had to transfuse this amount before. Depends how she reacts. I had better get back to her."

"Call me if she doesn't make it. I will have to tell her boyfriend."

"Sure. And if he is worse than it looks, let me know. Not that she will be concerned for a few weeks yet at least."

Laurent stuffs the last of his lasagne in his mouth and tosses the container in the bin as he walks out the door.

I was surprised at his concern the boy wouldn't survive. Nothing looked life threatening. Life changing, thats for sure. This man will be bedbound or at best, confined to a wheel chair for life.

I look in the freezer and pull out a frozen meal. Smelling Laurent's meal made me realize how hungry I was. Microwave 5 minutes. If I get 5 minutes. It spins and hums and I hope I get to eat it.

Sitting alone at a table is normal for me now. I no longer see her ghost opposite me. That happened for months after she left but finally, I can think about her and not bend over in pain. I can remember the good times. We never had many bad times, but that makes it harder. In a way, i wish I had been with her long enough to grow tired of her, and get bored.

I laugh because that would never have happened, no matter how long she had stayed. Not even if we had ended up sitting in twin rockers on the porch, surrounded by our grandkids.

Kids that will never be born to our own children who will never be born either.

My whole future had been swept away out of my grasp when she left.

I will never care about a woman again. I have what's left of my heart to protect. Anyway, it's not like I will ever meet another woman like her.

The microwave indicates my gourmet delight is ready and I shovel some pasta bake type thing into my mouth. God, I miss real food.

Her cooking.

The clock indicates its 4pm. Lunch at 4pm. Early today.

For such a small town, there are so many emergencies. It bothers my father a lot. We get a constant stream of tourists who have no idea how to drive in the almost permanently wet conditions.

Or who assume the beach at LaPush is calm and safe. It's very deceptive. The rage beneath the waves claims many a tourist, unaware of the hidden fury in its depths. The Quileute boys are always pulling out Japanese tourists who can't or don't read the warning signs. Since the town was used as a location for some movie, its gone from tiny and unheard of to a major tourist destination.

Of course, they get pretty pissed off when it hits them that the characters from the movie don't actually exist or live here. But they get their jollies visiting the places shown in the movie and the townsfolk take full advantage and sell them all kinds of overpriced souvenirs which they can't get enough of.

Then there is the logging industry and the inevitable accidents. They can be very bad. Large logs of wood, big trucks, wet roads.

To think I chose to come live in this small town because I thought it would be a quiet life with just the odd emergency.

I toss my litter away in the bin and return to wait the results on Michael Newton.

As I reread his notes, a man in police uniform bursts in, demanding to know about his daughter. This will be Mr Swan I presume. I step forward and he turns to me.

"Is she alive?"

"As far as I know. I can get her doctor for you."

I grab the phone and call Laurent.

"Isabella Swan's father is here. Can you come down or will I send him up?"

"You busy? Can you come up with him?"

Shit.

That's never good.

"Okay."

I hang up.

"Kate, page me when Michael Newton's back. This way, Officer Swan?"

"Chief. Charlie Swan, Chief of Police." he says gruffly. He pauses and purses his lips, looking me over.

"Chief Swan" I amend. He's looking at me like he knows me but can't place from where. I don't know him, although strangely there is some vague familiarity about his face as well. Like maybe I once saw him in a photo. Or in a painting?

Once I get time for things other than work I am sure I will get the people in this town straight in my head.

We walk to the door of ICU and Laurent greets us. I introduce Chief Swan and wait for the bad news.

"Can I see her?" he asks.

"Sure. This way."

So, not dead then. Laurent would have told him before taking him to her.

We approach a bed where a girl lies with tubes and cables and the usual high risk patient gear.

Her heartbeat is echoing from the heart monitor throughout the small room.

I gasp when I see her untouched face.

It's the face that haunts my dreams and tears my heart apart.

I haven't seen her for a year and she wasn't named Isabella Swan when I met her.

I sit on her bed and take her hand. I have to be sure.

The spark ignites and I feel the current course between us.

It's her, there's no doubt.

"I am sorry but there's no other way," says Laurent.

"God forgive me. Do it. Where do I sign?" says Chief Swan.

What did I miss?

Chief Swan signs and holds his head in his hands.

"I am so sorry, Bella. Forgive me."

"Nurse, prepare Miss swan for a termination. OR Two. I will be right in," says Laurent.

Termination?

Wait, she is pregnant?

How pregnant?

I panic then realize, it can't be mine.

Time alone rules that out.

Regardless, she wouldn't want this procedure.

I know her too well.

"Laurent, could I have a word with you?" I ask as I stand and grab his arm and pull him from the room.

"I ,uh, know this woman. She would never have a termination. Is there an alternative?"

"Sure. We could just give up and let her die."

Shit.

That cannot happen.

I bow to the inevitable and watch Isabella Swan be taken away to have her dreams shattered.


	2. Chapter 2

Calling Doctor Cullen

Chapter 2

Chez Cullen.

Three years ago...

Paris is a beautiful city and I wished I could live there permanently. France is my second home. I have a vintage stone house with a large plot of land in the country and a starkly modern apartment in the city. When I needed to get away and compose, I went to my country house. It sits on a hill overlooking the vineyard that was run by my manager. I know nothing of grapes and growing them and I have no illusions I ever will. The man who previously owned it , Jacques, was willing to let me hire his son, Demetri, who had run it for years anyway as Jacques was aging and wanting to retire. He and his wife wanted to travel and had to sell to make the dream a reality.

The arrangement worked, and I made Demetri a co owner because nothing makes a man do his job better than a personal stake in the business.

Jacques had named his son Demetri, after his best friend who had come to France and worked along side of him many years ago so I had a French manager with an Italian name.

My house is probably considered quite small, compared to the mansions that dot the area. It was built by Demetri's great grandfather for his bride. It has ten rooms. The kitchen is large and typical wooden country style, with a window that runs its entire length above the workbench so when you are preparing food you can gaze out over the countryside. The kitchen has been modernized so it now has a large door that folds back on itself several times and opens the wall completely to the outside. You can sit and eat in the fresh air and sunshine and the paved patio area is very much an extension of the house.

The sitting room has a fireplace, because the builder loved working with river stones. It is pretty and colorful and has many small stones mixed with the larger ones. The fireplace is large enough to roast an entire pig over the fire, should you ever want to. I have never used it, but it is functional. The stones are all different shades of creams and blues so it dominates the room. The furniture is rustic, denim blue, functional, as are the curtains. The floors are polished wood and shine wherever sunbeams sneak in. I have decorated this house myself but it is very casual compared to my apartment.

The artwork here hanging on the walls are all painted by local artists and I buy what appeals to me when I am shopping in the marketplace, and can buy from the actual artist. Thus the collection is somewhat eclectic, and mismatched, but I like it like that. Paintings of small, cozy cottages hang beside charcoal portraits of weathered old farmers, and watercolors of the sea beside a succession of drawings of a girl dancing. She is lost in the music she hears with her feet. They are a set of five and I had to have them all as they tell a story and one alone would never convey the feelings of joy she feels as she dances. If they were separated, they would miss one another.

The next room is the little dining room. It simply has a table and four chairs and 2 spares that sit against the far wall. I rarely use this room. It's windows have views of the grape vines, growing in neat rows.

The hallway leads to the back of the house.

There, off to the right, is what used to be a bedroom but is now a large, white bathroom with a claw footed tub, a separate shower stall, and a toilet and basin all in the one room. The room is tiled and bland and right from when I bought this house, I longed to do something to it but don't know what. It is too institutional and practical, like a hospital bathroom. Too white, too cold.

The hall ends with the final room that was originally the main bedroom. It is large and open and airy and has a glass door that opens to overlook the hillside as it drops away to the road below, in the distance. I can barely hear the traffic but then, there are very few cars that pass this way. This is my music room and my grand piano resides proudly in here.

I can sit and play and look outside this door and feel what I play. The walls are now covered in shelves and my cd collection is stored in here out of the way. A desk sits under the side window, and I sit here when I attempt to compose . I try to keep it tidy but that rarely happens. My thoughts tend to be chaotic and it is reflected here. When the music flows easily, the room is tidy. When,like now, it drags and changes, the room is messy and unkept. My cleaner knows better than to enter this room, ever.

The staircase is opposite the bathroom and leads to three small bedrooms and a bathroom, set out with two rooms each side of a hall, and the large, open sunny main bedroom sits at the back, atop the music room. My bed is large and wooden and would completely fill any of the small bedrooms but this room is two made into one, and it houses my closet as well. The lack of other furniture apart from one bedroom chair, makes it look larger than it is. The back window is a new addition. The two, small original windows were removed and the newly opened area increased to four times the size so it can welcome plenty of light and warmth from the sun.

My bed has a handmade patchwork quilt that my grandmother made and Esme insisted would be perfect here. Its the only contribution I allowed from her, here, so I treasure it's links with my family.

I want this house to be mine alone and to reflect me.

I was having problems with the music in my head not matching the notes I wrote on the page. They kept changing and swapping places and the confusion was hurting my brain. I knew better than to rush it. Just relax and it will settle in the right order then it will come to me.

I had nothing to do in the city but if I stayed on here, I would end up forcing this issue and losing the whole thing so I locked up the house and told Demetri to expect me back whenever I arrived and took off back to my apartment.

As it happened, my neighbor, James, was throwing one of his famous parties and although I am no party animal, I love James' parties. He knows everyone. You never know who will turn up at them.

The rich and famous; a busker he met on the train station; a woman who just got out of jail after 30 years; a man who cannot speak French yet has lived here all his life.

You come away feeling like you got a snapshot of a world you never knew existed and I love meeting these new people. Not to mention, the wine is always good and the food passable.

I showered and changed and decided on wearing tight fitting black jeans and a simple emerald green button shirt that my sister Alice insisted made my eyes shine. I love Alice so I wear the shirt when I want to feel close to her. Tonight I wear it because she will be at the party and if I don't want to be dragged home to change into what she considers the right outfit, I will just wear this shirt.

She would never make me change out of any of the clothes she has bought me.

I take a glass of white wine and find myself a seat and sit back and wait to see who turns up tonight. An old man from India has a group of young ladies enthralled with his philosophies of life in the sitting room. A doctor who has spent years in Africa treating the poor has his collection of admirers in the study. He likes to corner the richer guests and hit them up for donations for Doctors Without Borders so I simply arrive with a check and hand it to him from the start. A woman is teaching a group of students how to belly dance so I watch that spectacle for a while.

Finally my sister arrives and jumps into my arms.

"Edward, you wore the shirt. Wait until you see what I bought you this month."

Alice works for a fashion house and all of us get the benefits. My closet is bursting with shirts and pants and sweaters and jackets. She comes over to my apartment and weeds out the has-beens once a year and half my clothes disappear, never to be seen again. I try to hide anything I am particularly fond of but she usually sniffs out my hiding places so I have pretty well given up.

I suddenly realize she has a friend with her and my mouth opens with shock at the raw beauty that stands to the side, silently waiting for Alice to introduce us. I feel a stirring in my chest and in my pants.

"Oh, sorry. Kristabelle, this is my brother, Edward. Edward Cullen, meet Kristabelle Jacobs."

Weirdly, I feel like my whole life was created just for this moment.

"Bella, please, just Bella," the beauty replies.

"Oh, you have such a beautiful name and you shorten it to Bella. I would love to have an exotic name like Kristabelle," Alice carries on.

"Bella is also a beautiful name," I say as I find I have risen to my feet and taken her hand in mine and am kissing it.

All without conscious thought.

A tingle passes from her hand to mine and sizzles on my lips as I kiss her fingers.

My eyes are trapped in her gaze and hers doesn't waver.

Her secrets are all there in those doe eyes, if only I could decipher them.

"Drinks, Edward? Are you still with us?" says Alice.

I have no idea. Am I still here? My mind has drifted off into a world where only Bella and I exist.

I find a bottle and two more glasses and turn to go back and find Bella's eyes are still on me. I smile and my whole body warms and responds. I have met so many beautiful women and she eclipses them all. The models, the actresses, the rich and famous. She is perfection.

Her skin is so pale it truly can be called white. Her eyes are enormous and the color of rich, liquid chocolate. Her mouth is perfection, full red lips, lips that say 'kiss me'. Her hair is very long, way past her waist and it shines with touches of red and mahogany and even maybe gold highlights. She is tiny and slim but the curves are all there, in the right places. Full round hips and backside, perky breasts that would fit exactly in my hands, flat stomach and tiny waist. I could lift her with one hand.

I am mesmerized by her and I struggle to not break into a run to be back at her side. I open the wine and pour her a glassfull and almost forget Alice.

"Well, I can see I am invisible" chimes Alice and trots off, to somewhere that's not here. Here is all I care about.

We sit and gaze into each others eyes and I try to think of something interesting to say to impress her.

Nothing surfaces. I find myself licking and sucking my lips in and know its because I cant tear my eyes from her lips that I want so desperately to taste.

It's now my mission in life to do just that.

My eyes race from one to the other, her lips versus her eyes. Which are more beautiful? I cannot decide. All I know is, those eyes are the most deep and haunting I have ever seen and those lips are the most luscious.

I wonder if Mother Nature is playing with me. Did she invent this woman to crash into my life and make me forget everything else? If I were in court under oath, I doubt I could mutter my full name.

Bella smiles and my heart stops beating.

She laughs quietly.

"Breathe, Edward."

Of course.

I should.

Makes sense.

"How do you know James?" I ask.

"I don't. I came with Alice."

Of course she did. I know that.

"How do you know Alice?"

My vocabulary is vast at this point.

"I met her at work. I had to interview her boss for the fashion magazine I work for."

"Rose," I say. Down to single words now.

"Of course. I forgot. She is your sister-in-law too."

I forgot as well.

"Yes, she is married to my brother... what'shisname."

"Emmett." she says with a laugh.

"Emmett," I confirm.

Someone puts an Ella Fitzgerald cd on and I grab her hand and pull her up to dance with me. My body needs contact with hers. This is the perfect excuse.

She sways in my arms as the music carries us away and I look at her face and wonder how such perfection can be real.

She is like a masterpiece. If she were a painting I would stare at it all day and mourn when the night hid it from my eyes.

We dance and I pull her close and her scent takes my breath away. Gardenia's. Roses. Blossoms unnamed but hinted at.

She smiles her secret smile and I want to get inside her head and read her every thought.

My life has changed just like that and I am consumed by her.

I panic at the thought this night will end at some point and she will leave.

"I have to see you again," I whisper in her ear, before she has a chance to disappear. I don't know why I already know she is good at that. At disappearing.

"The nights not over yet, Edward."

Six words that hold such promise.

A shiver goes down my spine.

I want her. Every inch of her in every way.

The song finishes and the next begins.

We dance until the music is done and most of the guests have fled.

"Come home with me, Bella," I beg.

"Sure," she replies, just like that.

I lean in and kiss her lips tenderly.

It's the only way these lips should be kissed. For now.

She smiles and leads the way to the door.

We don't speak to anyone. Alice is probably long gone and James will understand.

"Where do you live?" she asks.

"Next door," I reply, never so glad I bought this apartment next to James.

Our apartments share the penthouse space of the building and thus we both have rooftop gardens with hot tubs and a long, thin pool.

I open my door and stand back as she walks in. She goes straight to the floor length windows and looks out at Paris at night.

"It's my favorite city," she says.

"Mine too," I reply. If it hadn't been before, it would be now.

She wanders from room to room and touches things and admires the art on the walls and the furniture. I am glad she likes it: suddenly that's important.

My mother furnished this place and did the interior decorating and I never really noticed any of it before. Now I see it through Bella's eyes.

She pauses at my bedroom door and looks back at me.

"Are we sleeping in here?" she asks.

I am beside her in a second and I pull her to me.

"Yes," I reply,my heart bursting into celebration that she wants to stay.

I touch her shoulders and one hand reaches to unslide that long zip down her back. Then I slowly lift her dress off her body.

I strip myself quickly, needing to get back to touching her. I admire her body as I strip it of her camisole top and her tiny black lace panties.

She stands and smiles and lets me admire her, making no attempt to cover up. I love that she knows her own beauty.

"You are perfect," I say, breathless with need.

"Nobody's perfect," she answers, but I don't believe her.

I choose to believe my eyes instead.

I lead her to my bed and throw the covers back, out of the way. The fresh crisp sheets wait for us.

She sits beside me and I kiss her again and try to keep my brain functioning.

My erection has stolen my entire blood supply and I can hardly think at all.

Overrated. Thinking.

She lies down and opens her arms to me and I am beside her and pulling her to me and as I suspected, her breasts fit perfectly in my hands.

And I fit inside her perfectly, as I knew I would.

We dance the tango of love and desire and she excites me with her body to the point where I cannot stop. No sooner do I release inside her than I am hard and ready to begin again.

And she takes me in again and again.

It's only exhaustion that stops us finally and she lays beside me in my arms and I feel how she fits there, like nobody has before.

We sleep and my first thought on awakening is, was she real? Was it all a dream? I touch the spot where she had lain, and feel the lingering heat her body left behind.

She is real. She is still here. Somewhere. I just know that.

I hear her walk back to my bed from my bathroom and she looks like a vision.

I reach for her and she is real, an angel fallen from Heaven but real none the less.

My entire life is hers.

How can it happen like this?

I have never wanted to share myself before and now its all I want.

Her hands wander all over me and I lay and bask in her touch.

"I like you, Edward," she says and I am stunned one such as her could be made for one such as me. I am so unworthy of her.

I would never tell her that.

I want to keep her and if she likes me, maybe she will stay.

I reach over and pick up my cigarettes and offer them to her. She takes one and so do I and I light hers then mine.

We lay there smoking and laughing as she tells me tales of her life here so far. She has lived in Paris for a year yet I have never seen her before?

How wrong.

I would know if I had ever caught sight of her before. She was not the kind of woman you would ever forget.

"Where did you live before that?" I ask, desperate to know everything about her.

She frowns and shakes her head.

"Nowhere. My life began a year ago, here in Paris."

I am intrigued but she clearly will not reveal anything more to me so I accept the scraps of herself she offers.

She asks me about my life and I want to tell her everything.

Born in Chicago. Son of Dr Carlisle and Mrs Esme Cullen. Older brother Emmett. Younger sister Alice. Moved to Seattle when I was about to begin High School. Lived there ever since. Did my residency there. Took a gap year afterwards, to be different.

Family money, don't need to work unless I want to.

Came to Paris and bought the house and the apartment but go home to Seattle regularly.

Will eventually follow my chosen career and become a doctor at a hospital somewhere or in private practice, I haven't decided yet.

For now, I want to stay here and be with her.

"So, where do you live?" I ask.

"In a small terrace house near the city center."

"Alone?"

"Of course alone. If I had a partner, I would not have stayed with you last night."

Good to know.

"Will you stay with me again?"

"Sure. I told you I liked you. I only sleep with men I like."

I laugh.

"That's probably wise."

"Do you sleep with women you don't like?" she asks.

"Sometimes. I don't often meet women I do like. I have never met anyone I like as much as I like you."

"Edward, you don't know me."

"I know enough."

She smiles and we get out of bed and she cooks the first of the amazing meals she makes me over the next two years.

I am glad, looking back, that I didn't know there was a limit to our time together.

I thought we were forever.

xxxxxx

Present day...

I sat in her room and waited for her to be brought back from Recovery. Laurent comes in with her, and watches the orderlies lift her from the trolley and place her gently back onto her hospital bed.

"How did it go?" I ask.

"Tricky. It was ectopic, as I suspected. I think the boy was bringing her in because the pain had started and she was panicking."

"So, it was never viable?"

"Nope. If that's any comfort to anyone."

Maybe it will be to Bella. I know a straight termination would have haunted her. This way she will know it would never have had a chance, anyway.

The nurse checks her vitals and makes her as comfortable as she can and covers her with a sheet and thin blanket.

I walk to the storage cupboard and get a thicker blanket. She feels the cold more than most people and this operation will make her feel it even more so.

As I cover her up, I can't help wondering where she has been this last twelve months. Who she has been with. Who has been looking after her and who has she been looking after.

I talked to Mike, as he prefers to be called. She is not his girlfriend.

He always wanted to date her back in High School but she was never keen so when he ran into her last week, they arranged to go out yesterday to meet up with their old school friends and he considered it their first date. He isn't the father of the lost baby.

Although he tried to come across as knowing everything about her, he didn't even know she had lived in France for three years so I dismiss the idea they were a couple. Bella never shared a lot but she would have told him that, surely.

As I stare at her face and wonder what new secrets she has now, her father walks in and stands beside the other side of the bed.

"Dr Cullen."

"Chief Swan. Have you seen her doctor?"

"Yes, he told me it went as well as it could and the bleeding has stopped. He said there was never any hope for the..."

"Baby. No, the fertilized egg lodged in her fallopian tube instead of her uterus. The tube had to split at some point. There never was a chance. Do you know who the father was?"

I don't need to know this for medical reasons, only for my own.

"Her husband. Jake. Jacob Black."

"Bella got married?"

"Bella has been married for nearly ten years."

I can't get my head around it.

"I met Bella in France. She lived there for three years without a husband."

"I know. It's complicated."

"Can you explain?" I ask.

I do not want to hear the two years we were together was a lie.

"They got married out of high school. Jake had never dated any other girls before Bella, and after a few years, he got restless. He left Bella five years ago and she wandered around in a fog for a year then she went to France. He decided he wanted her back about a year ago and had a private detective find her and bring her home. They have been trying to reconcile but things have been rocky. By the time she found out she was pregnant, they were separated again. Before you ask, I have no idea where Jake is."

Suddenly it hits me.

Bella Jacobs.

Jacob's Bella.

He had first claim.


	3. Chapter 3

Calling Dr Cullen

Chapter 3

Then...

EDWARD'S POV

Bella stayed in my apartment for three days before declaring she had to go to work. The magazine she worked for had a very open policy and copy editors and reporters could work mainly outside the office. It was Bella's habit to work one week in four there and this week was that week. My apartment was close to her office so she decided to drop in at her little house and get some clothes and come back to me that night.

I lay on the bed, having stripped it of its sheets and replaced them with clean versions, and thought about the way my life had been so completely disrupted in less than one week.

It was as if a hurricane had hit me. Everything was turned around, priorities had changed, needs and desires had overtaken my practical, organized nature.

I wanted to be with Bella. That was the start and the finish. Everything else had to fit itself in around that fact.

James wandered in after he saw Bella leave.

"Nice, Cullen. Don't say I never give you anything."

"How do you get credit for her? You don't even know her."

"Yes, but my parties, man. Are they not the best? Did you talk to the sherpa who has accompanied the last three climbers who topped Everest? What an interesting bloke. I have to have him back. His stories of the bodies littering the mountainside though. That's wrong. They should have to clean them up, don't you think?"

"I didn't even notice him, James, to be honest."

"Yeah, your interest seemed to be completely taken up with Miss Jacobs. Is she going to become a regular thing?"

"A permanent thing, I hope."

"Edward Cullen! Taking on a woman? Geez, now I am worried. Is it the end of the world?"

"Very amusing, James. I am capable of relationships. I just so rarely meet a woman who makes me want to put in the effort to have one."

"Yeah, I know what you mean."

"You and Victoria? On or off at the moment?"

"Kind of on, kind of off. The woman wants more than I am willing to offer. She is convinced we have mated for life and we know James is not the mating for life type. Why do women do this to us, Edward? At first, its all no strings, I want what you want, let's take it slow, then suddenly its marry me or get the fuck out of my life and stop wasting my time."

"It has been, what, seven years since you first took up with her? Maybe she thinks she has worked her apprenticeship and is ready for marriage. Did you ever have marriage as your goal?"

"Tricky question. I want her in my life, obviously. I love her in my own way. Just not the nine to five office job and bring home the bread and visit the parents on holidays type way. I have no desire to settle down and have kids. That's not my life. You know that. What would happen to Paris if James and God forbid, Edward threw in the towel and settled down?"

A mere week ago I would have agreed but things have changed.

I can't imagine meeting another woman more perfect for me than Bella.

I never thought for a single moment of my life that I had met the perfect woman before, until Bella turned up so this is not the typical early over-reactive fallout of a new relationship, all shiny and new before you see the cracks and end up wondering what the hell you were thinking.

It should be scary and disorientating but it just feels natural and right.

James and I head out to lunch and it already feels weird to not be with Bella.

Two of his friends join us. Bree, who to me looks way too young to be a catwalk model, and Siobhan, James' feisty partner in the art gallery they co-own. She is a large, Irish woman and the only person who keeps James in his place.

Lunch is tasty and the company is great but my heart is being tugged towards the center of the city like a magnetic pull. It's all I can do to sit and eat and talk.

After I glance at my watch for the thousandth time, James laughs at me and outs me to the women.

"Pity poor Edward, some woman came to my party last weekend and beguiled him. He can't tell if he's Martha or Arthur any more."

Siobhan laughs her deep, resonating laugh.

"That's very good news, Edward. I wondered about you. It's been a few years now and I have seen you with many different women but you always look like you are about to say goodbye. I've never seen you connect with any one of them. She must be quite a woman."

"That she is, Siobhan."

"Well, what's her name? Where does this paragon work? Why isn't she here with us?"

"Kristabelle Jacobs. She works at.."

"I know her! She is quite the firecracker if you get on her wrong side so behave yourself, Edward. Funnily enough, when I met her I thought she would be perfect for you."

"How long have you known her, Siobhan?"

"Maybe eight, nine months."

"And it never occurred to you to introduce us?" I asked, incredulous.

"Oops, I probably should have done that. Alec was sniffing around her but I don't think he got too close. She was quite open in her disdain for him and his riches. Listen to this...she told him billionaires who didn't give half their wealth to charity were the scum of the earth. You can imagine how that went over with Alec! She bamboozled him. He invited her to dinner and she demanded he show her the cash, so the poor man had to go into a bank for the first time in years and he withdrew two grand as a gesture of how well he could treat her.

She took the money off him and handed out the notes to the homeless all along the river but kept enough change to buy them each a hotdog from a street vendor. He was apoplectic then she said 'I and the homeless thank you for dinner, Alec. Good night'."

"Well, that would be the most Alec ever paid to not fuck a woman," laughed James.

Bella had outwitted Alec. Could she be more perfect?

Finally the day ended as I knew it surely would and we were snuggled in bed, worshipping each others bodies and she told me she now had three weeks clear before having to go back to her office.

Suddenly it hit me. I had to take her to my house.

"In the morning, I am going back to the country house. Will you come with me?"

"Sure. I will need some clothes."

"Let's go collect them now so we can leave early," I suggested and we dressed and I drove her to her house.

It was a tiny terrace with one bedroom and the whole place was a chaotic jumble of colors. Like she couldn't decide what color scheme to go with so she tried them all.

Autumn tones in the kitchen. Everything was a shade of brown or burnt orange or yellows. Fallen autumn leaves painted on the lower walls, a dull sun on the ceiling, naked trees painted along the long wall.

The bathroom was green, the walls painted with evergreen trees and shrubs and the ceiling done in gloomy greys and whites. It felt like being in a forest in the Washington peninsula. Kind of too green, too wet, too cold.

"Who painted these rooms?" I asked in amazement. It made me feel like I was really there, I could almost feel the dampness and rain.

"I did. I have to clean it off when the lease is up."

"That would be a tragedy," I answered.

She was so gifted.

The sitting room was surprisingly normal, but it felt expectant, like it was waiting its turn. The walls were plain pale blue and furnished in brown leather. It wasn't Bella at all. More a man's room.

I had to see the bedroom.

She invited me upstairs and I hastened up behind her, eager to see what she had done there. The small room was open and airy and I felt the sun as I walked into the beach. The ceiling was painted in bright, clear soft blue with fluffy white clouds dotted all over. The walls had scenes of the ocean, waves rolling in towards me. The carpet was dull gold sand color, and the wall with the window was a large, brown rocky cliff. To look outside and see the streets of Paris was quite disconcerting.

"This is quite amazing, Kristabelle," I exclaimed. There was nothing childlike or nursery design about it, it was a beach. A real beach. The detail of each small shell must have taken her days. Small crabs half hid, and the rockpools teemed with tiny creatures.

A group of Native Americans stood on top pf the cliff and were poised ready to dive into the sea far below.

Was this from reality, or did she invent this all in her mind?

She hardly noticed my enthusiasm and she simply packed a half dozen gypsy skirts and peasant blouses and a couple of dresses and then threw in some underwear as an afterthought.

I was sorry to leave the beautiful little house, which looked as insignificant and boring as all the others from the outide, all whitewashed walls and red tile roofs and dark blue shutters. The entire row looked identical. It was a shame as most streets in Paris feature such a variety of styles and colors, it makes any stroll an interesting way to pass the time.

Trust Bella to take such a monotonous setting and make it shine like a precious gemstone on the inside.

We made love again lazily, and drifted off to sleep for a few hours wrapped in each others bodies.

Just before dawn, I awoke with a start. The music was back. Louder, more beautiful, it filled my head and my hands itched to play it and get it written down.

"Bella, love, we have to go."

I shook her awake and we dressed and headed downstairs to the Aston Martin. The trip was quiet in these early hours and my head was pounding with melody. She had brought the music back in full force.

As we pulled up at my house, I saw it as she would see it. Large, built from riverstones, once whitewashed but now stripped of that, allowing the mica chips in the rocks to glint and shine like mini rainbows. The old wooden shutters needed replacing, some were off already, the others hanging crookedly waiting my attention. They were a pale blue and picked the blues of the stones out perfectly.

The large stone patios surrounded the whole house which sat on the very top of the hill and had a wide, flattened area surrounding it. Pots containing flowering plants edged the patios. Lawn furniture dotted the ground and a large stone stair case led up from the parking area to the house itself. Ten steps, wide and shallow. I often sat on them to smoke in the evening cool.

She loved the house as I knew she would. She understood the paintings and I asked her to paint a wall for me somewhere in the house, anywhere she chose, and in whatever theme she wanted. She said she would think about it. I suggested she use oils so it would be permanent and the first, unheeded warning was spoken.

"Edward, I don't do permanent."

Music blasted inside my skull.

I excused myself as soon as was polite, leaving her to explore my kitchen, which had intrigued her, she loved the mix of old and new merged together. My appliances appealed to her nearly as much as I did, I suspect.

While she played chef, I rushed to my music room and got the notes and chords down and played the music softly on the waiting keys. So much passion, it overwhelmed me. This was the best I had ever written. I lost track of time and only paused when I heard voices out in the yard. I looked out the window and saw Bella talking to, and charming, Demetri with her smile and beauty. The man was already intoxicated by her, I could see that from here. She was her usual oblivious self, she had no idea the effect she had on us merely mortal men.

Some time later she stood at the door and waited for me to notice her.

"Are you pausing to eat or does this go on for days? Should I leave you in peace?"

I shook my head and laughed.

"I do tend to get carried away. Sorry for deserting you."

"Edward, its fine. I met some quite delicious young workers. Demetri introduced me."

"Quite delicious?" I questioned.

"I should imagine. Not that I will ever taste them." she assured me with a wink. "I think I know my favorite flavor of man already."

I shivered at the image in my head. Her lips, so full and ripe as they took me in, that tongue, as it swirled and licked and excited me to orgasm. It was poetry. I don't know how many others have had the pleasure but I bet they are all grieving now.

Lunch was a bright, happy meal and she had invited Demetri to join us so I was amused to watch him try not to fawn too openly over Bella in front of me. He failed. I smiled at the knowledge he would never know her like I did and he would be a poorer man for that.

Bella had roasted several small chickens then cooled them and ripped the flesh off and placed it in some wine and oil marinade and served it with every type of salad vegetable available from the vegetable patch here. I see she had made herself quite at home.

I was glad, as I would much prefer have her here than in the city.

I went back to my music and she spent the afternoon weeding the vegetable patch and telling Demetri what other plants needed to be added. She liked a wide variety of lettuce and wanted seven different types. He took her in the old farm truck to the markets and they came back with trays of seedings and had the young plants in place before nightfall.

I went out and started stripping paint off the old shutters in preparation to repainting them later in the week. The wood while old, was strong and unspoilt, the hot sun had merely blistered and flaked its covering off.

I decided to repaint in the same light blue seeing it pleased the rocks so nicely. Bella lay on a wooden chaise and drank sparkling wine and watched me work, encouraging me to strip to the waist for aesthetic purposes.

It felt very domestic, a feeling I had no encountered with a woman before. She spoke excitedly while I worked, telling me how much she loved my house and the vineyard and how clever I was to have found this place. To me, it felt like I found it for her, and like me, it had just been waiting for her to turn up.

When she hung her few skirts and dresses in the closet in my bedroom, I was surprised how little she had packed but it soon became obvious, Bella didn't feel the need to wear clothing while inside the house. She would walk about completely naked and completely unselfconsciously, like everyone did this. I had to warn Demetri to keep the men away from the house, not that they came up a lot anyway, and told him to head off any visitors and give me a word of warning before accompanying them to the house.

When she went outside, she would pull on a peasant blouse that hung off her shoulders and exposed part of her breasts and looked far too sexy and alluring for her own good. The skirts were thankfully long and full and didn't reveal any clue of what lay beneath. Her feet were usually bare but she did own a pair of brown leather strappy sandals if she was wandering further afield. She seemed perfectly happy to amuse herself while I worked, either inside on my music or outside on the house.

I had never met a woman so capable of creating her own happiness.

The next trip to the city, I took her to buy new paints and easels and canvasses so she would paint. I wanted to add her paintings to those on my walls, if she wouldn't paint a whole wall itself for me.

We gathered our purchases and headed back to the apartment. Bella would be working this whole week in her office so I planned to buy a few things for the house and catch up with Emmett and Alice. As we left the elevator, a small, very obviously pregnant woman stood up from my mat, where she had been sitting in wait. James came out to meet us.

"Sorry, Edward, I tried to ring you. Look who has turned up. I offered to have her wait in my apartment but she insisted on staying out here," said James.

"Emily," I greeted, quickly calculating the size of her abdomen against the length of time it had been since we had last been together. We have never been a couple as such. Emily travels and comes back to stay whenever she is in Paris. She usually spends a few nights in my bed then moves on. Its very much a convenience thing. No emotions involved.

"Bella, this is Emily, a sometimes friend of mine. Emily, Bella."

I wasn't sure how to introduce her. Girlfriend sounded too high school. And far too inadequate.

Bella was unperturbed at Emily's condition, I wish I could say the same. I had always used condoms with her, always.

"So, what brings you here?" I asked as I set the bags of art supplies onto the table and Bella made tea.

"I am sorry, Edward. I just assumed I could stay with you. I didn't realize things had changed,"she said, a little timidly.

"You can stay at mine," piped up James, seeing the need to avoid any complications. The man had my back.

"Okay. I won't be any trouble. Thanks James."

They left and I turned to answer the questions Bella would no doubt have. She surprised me by simply calmly handing me a mug of tea and sitting down to drink hers from her chosen dainty teacup.

"I trust I haven't put you in a diificult situation, Edward."

"It's fine. I do , I did, sleep with her when she is here in town but I haven't seen her for a while now and things have changed. She will accept that and move on."

"Is it your child?" she asked.

"Could be but shouldn't be. I am a 32 year old doctor with several specialist degrees. I think I know how to prevent pregnancy."

"Well, these things happen," she sighed, "usually to the wrong person."

"I had better go talk to her. She may have planned the pregnancy. She may be in a relationship now for all I know."

I went next door and James immediately volunteered to go keep Bella company while I talked to Emily.

"Whose baby?" I asked.

"Dunno."

"Is it mine? Just say so if it is."

"It doesn't matter. I am not keeping it," she replied.

"You're sure? What if you change your mind when its born?"

"That will be any day now and believe me, I just want it over and done with and gone. I want my life back."

"How many are there on the list of possible fathers?"

"Only you and James, and he tells me Victoria will go if it is his. Will your lady go if its yours?"

"I have no idea. How could it be mine? I have always used condoms with you. Did James?"

"Edward. Think back. Nine months ago. St Valentines day. James party. The wine that TV chef brought. The hot tub on the roof. You and James and I..partying together after everyone left."

My mind recalled the event but it was hazy. I do remember the panic the next day when I found the many rubbers floating in the tub. I swear, I have never shared a woman with any man before but it was a night of too much wine and not enough self control and James and I had taken turns having her. It was her idea, as I recalled but that didn't change anything. One of us had to draw the short straw here.

"If you have a paternity test, will you keep it?" I asked.

"No, I don't want a kid."

"What do you plan to do?"

"Sign it over for adoption. You won't want it and James doesn't, just forget it."

"I don't think I can turn my back on my own child, Emily."

"If its yours."

"Yeah, if its mine."

"Will you stay and have the baby here in Paris?"

"I don't think James wants that to happen."

"Okay. Let me sort something out."

Bella and I lay in bed that night discussing the best thing to do. The paternity test could be done immediately the baby was born and the answer would be known in hours.

I still didn't know what I wanted to do if it was mine but the idea of simply abandoning it didn't sit well with me. You fuck around, you man up and accept the consequences. Emily didn't conceive on her own.

"Maybe we should take her back to the house until its born, and keep her away from James and Victoria," Bella suggested.

He was very upset at the idea he could be the father. He and Victoria had made progress this week and he was edging on proposing so this was blowing his plans out of the water.

"Whens it due?"

"Ten days time." I replied.

"I will go in the office and arrange to have the next few weeks off. This is more important. Whether its yours or not, that girl will need us." said Bella.

Next day we packed the car and went back to the house. Bella got Emily settled in one of the small bedrooms and cooked us all lunch. No drama. There is nothing like a woman with a secret past to be accepting of a man's own past. She knew I wasn't about to go down on bended knee to Emily. At most, I had to decide the future of my child. At least, I had to help a friend set up an adoption of James' child. Bella was obviously staying right by my side.

xxxxx

Now...

Laurent walked into Bella's room and handed me the latest cat scan results.

No sign of any head trauma or permanent damage so why wasn't she waking up?

She looked as perfect as always but her eyes were shut and she was oblivious to the world. And the coma was not getting any nearer to an end. Normally a patient like this would have woken days ago or at very least, be stirring and moaning and having periods of almost wakefulness. No. Sleeping Beauty was baffling them all.

Charlie was in to visit every day.

Mike rang every second day from his rehab hospital in the city. He was doing okay but would never walk again.

Jacob Black had still not returned or let anyone know where he had gone.

Bella and I spent hours together and most nights, I stayed, curled around her body on her bed.

Charlie knew, but he didn't ask questions.

The staff accepted my presence.

Bella had no idea I had found her again.


	4. Chapter 4

Calling Dr Cullen

Chapter 4

**Warning..contains tragedy..not Bella or Edward.**

Beginnings and Ends.

Edward's POV

It was the strangest of weeks, but because of it, I learned of how much compassion Bella held in her heart. She looked after Emily as if the girl was her daughter, not her contemporary. Somehow she knew what foods pregnant women had to avoid, and she cooked up casseroles and easily digested meals every day, plus ensured Emily drank milk for the calcium. I did wonder about the girl's previous diet and the thought occurred to me that all these vitamins and iron rich foods were fairly pointless. Too little, too late.

Emily should have been eating like this all along. The way she inhaled the meals suggested she had only eaten enough to keep herself alive, and without the bump, there was very little substance to her body. Bella weighed her every night and became quite smug as the few new pounds showed on the scales.

The women talked for hours and I gave up worrying just what Emily was sharing about me. Bella was no innocent virgin, unable to handle the news I had a past. She had never imagined I'd sat about chastely before she arrived in my life. No doubt she would have found it too weird had I been virginal at this age.

"Did you ever consider having an abortion?" Bella asked Emily. She wasn't judging, I don't think the woman has any idea how to even do that. She was just interested in why Emily had carried a baby she clearly didn't want.

Emily smiled and waved her hand toward me, where I was painting the shutters.

"Could you kill a child that could be his? There has never been anything real between us; not love or anything like that. But this baby is real and possibly his. It feels like it belongs to Edward. I can't explain why. You must think I'm a terrible person, being with both of them that night, plus being too drunk to even make sure we were being safe. I mean, all three of us have tests all the time, but still. If enough got past the rubber to cause this...

Don't worry though. I've been tested again since it happened and neither of them could catch anything from me."

"But you caught something from one of them," Bella smiled, touching the protruding bump with such gentleness and caring it made me wonder if she wanted the child herself. I knew so little about her old life. Maybe she couldn't have a child of her own? If she wanted this one, well, that would be a dream come true, because we could raise it here, together.

She snuggled down beside me each night after tucking Emily in, and while she slept, there was always a smile on her face. Maybe something that had begun in such a bad way could end well, after all.

Emily herself suggested we might want to raise the child, and I waited for Bella's answer.

"It's a huge responsibility. But a worthwhile one, I'm sure. Don't worry, Emily. This baby will be loved and will have a family, whether it's here with Edward or somewhere else, with a couple who are waiting for just this gift. You can rest assured of that."

I wanted more. I wanted Bella to talk to me and discuss if this was even a real possibility. The very night she and I sat down after Emily went to bed, and started giving out ideas and possibilities, Em's water broke, and robbed me of that conversation I was so desperate to have.

She was in pain instantly, and the contractions were full on from the start. I rushed us all to the nearby hospital and we waited while Em was assessed and taken to the labour ward.

I pulled Bella aside long enough to ask her what she wanted, how she wanted this to end once the baby was here.

"You know, chances are, Emily will take one look and fall in love with him herself, and want to keep him. That's just the way it is. It's not real enough to her yet, it's just some foetus taking up room inside her. Once he arrives and she holds him...I can't imagine ever being able to give away my child, and I don't think she will be able to, either."

"Then how will this work? If it's mine, do you want us to have access or would you prefer I bought Emily a house somewhere else entirely? Out of Paris? Out of France?"

"Why would I want to keep you away from your son? Maybe Emily will agree to stay living in the house with us. Would you find that too weird?"

I shrugged.

"I'll never share a bed with her again, you do understand that? I don't want to ever make love with anyone but you, from this day forward." I cupped her face and kissed her lips. "I've never even made love before. It was always more...recreational. No feelings. No longings to make the girl mine forever. Only you make me want that."

Emily cried out, and Bella rushed back to her side, and took her hand.

The labour went on forever and I was getting to the point where I was ready to demand someone did a c section when all Hell broke loose and we were shoved unceremoniously out of the room as Emily was whisked away.

A serious looking doctor in a bloody set of scrubs came out some time later and informed us they had lost both mother and child.

I was shaken to my core but Bella was completely heartbroken. Over a woman she barely met six days ago and a child who may or may not have been mine.

I found myself comforting her and feeling I was somehow inadequate to not be as upset as she was. I guess she identified with Emily simply because she was also a woman.

I had no idea where Emily's parents lived or what country even she resided in. She had always been on the move and we really hadn't talked a whole lot so I had little information for the hospital or the police when they arrived.

Her brother turned up three days later, having been tracked down by the police or the consulate, I never asked which. He was shocked and angry that nothing had been done quicker but I explained, as annoyed as I had been, there was nothing to indicate things were going to go bad. I was simply sick of the waiting and the pain Emily had been in and her complaints of lower abdominal pain were completely normal for any delivery. The fact the placenta had detached is usually far more obvious but she had bled internally too long by the time the staff realized what was wrong.

The child was a full term boy and fully formed and completely normal, simply dead.

I hadn't wanted to see him but Bella had asked me to so we went in and saw his little body and I felt a rush of sympathy for this child, unplanned yet not really unwanted.

Was he mine? Did it matter?

The nurse asked if I wished to hold him.

I looked at Bella.

"You will ever see him again, Edward. You need to say hello and goodbye. You need to tell him who he is."

He was wrapped and handed to me and I walked to the window and examined his face. The color of his sparse hair was a clue and I felt a stab of recognition that this was indeed my child.

"I'm sorry you didn't make it but at least you have your Mom there with you, wherever you are. e would have enjoyed sharing your life with you, had we had that are a beautiful, precious child and you won't be forgotten."

I kissed the downy head and handed him to Bella and watched her silently grieve as she held him close to her heart.

I didn't expect to grieve myself but I did and Bella was open in her distress at the loss of two lives. The funeral was a small, quiet affair, the brother was here by then and mother and baby were buried in the one coffin.

Bella was profoundly moved and distressed and I regretted my past actions with Emily quite bitterly. Our carelessness had led to her death and the death of a child I would never get to know. Would I have kept him and raised him myself? I like to think so. I had not completely decided, before the birth. I know Bella would never have turned him away. I had been simply on hold, waiting for the paternity test.

I planned to make all my decisions once I knew if I was the father. And knew what Bella wanted to happen.

It was an unreal situation, being thrust in then robbed of fatherhood so soon after knowing it was even a possibility.

I didn't want the experience to taint the house for Bella but she simply packed up everything Emily had brought with her and handed it all, neatly stowed in the backpack, to the brother and he left the day after the funeral.

Bella wanted to return to town so we went back to the apartment for two weeks and she worked everyday in her office at the magazine.

She seemed to work the grief out of her system and when we returned to the house, she seemed recovered and back to normal, for which I was thankful.

She painted a painting in soft watercolors and until I saw it, I admit I had forgotten what the baby looked like but her painting was an uncannily accurate portrayal of him, and it made his face be instantly recalled in my head. He was asleep but smiling softly and it was a heartbreaking visual tribute to my almost son.

I had named him for the records and both birth and death certificates were in my desk drawer in my study. Anthony Carlisle Cullen. My father would never know of his almost existance but I still felt the need to pass on a family name. My own middle name of Anthony seemed like the right name for him, somehow.

I probably would have locked all the brief memories away somewhere safe in my head if it weren't for Bella's painting, making me acknowledge what I had lost. Every morning when I went downstairs to make the morning coffee, the early sunbeams would dance across his image as it hung on the wall and I found myself speaking to him each day. In fact, he was usually the first person I spoke to as Bella always slept later than I did and only awoke when I took our coffee back into the bedroom.

The house was progressing nicely and I had the shutters fixed and repainted and Demetri helped me rehang them and I was ready to move on to my next home improvement chore.

Bella wanted me to build a pergola over the outdoor eating area and maybe grow some flowering creepers up and over the top.

It sounded simple and a nice idea so Demetri and I measured up and bought the timber and he helped me get the frame done quickly then I added the slatted roof at my leisure as she sat outside, painting in the sun. Her paintings were all extremely different to one another. Her acrylic paints really brought the storm we had experienced recently, back to life with its dark, threatening clouds and lack of sunlight. All the trees and buildings were done in blacks and grays and silver and it really held the menace that storm had been. It disturbed me to look at it. Maybe she just needed an outlet for the emotions surrounding the deaths.

Then she painted a portrait of Rose and even I had to admit to my sister in laws beauty, looking at the painting. She gave it to Emmett for his birthday and I was surprised to find I missed its presence once he took it home, happy and proud. She had painted Rose with a softness few people saw. Rose tended to be somewhat brash and outspoken so seeing her sitting in the garden, smiling to herself, with wildflowers and sunbeams surrounding her, in her pretty yellow frock, was such a contrast to the way a photo would show Rose.

Bella was clearly extremely talented.

On my birthday, I was delighted when she handed me a portrait of myself. I was bare chested, wearing only an old pair of ripped and faded jeans and had a red bandana hanging out of my back pocket. I was painting one of the outdoor shutters and was half turned towards Emmett, who was not shown, and I was both smoking and laughing and it was such a carefree pose. I had no idea she was capturing it,so it looked both natural and a snapshot of a moment in time. I loved it and proudly hung it in the sitting room so all who entered the house would immediately see it.

She was working on a portrait of Emmett next and I watched, mesmerized as my brother came to life on the canvas. A few vague strokes then she filled in his physique and his colouring and the small details that made Emmett, Emmett. It was , once again, a perfect likeness and he was grinning so his dimples showed and his eyes were focused on Rose who was a blurry image to the side of the painting and the love and joy were clearly shown. He would love this and Rose would treasure it forever.

Her gifts were so unlike anyone elses. She painted with her heart and it showed. She could sum up a person with a few brush strokes and capture their personality and looks so accurately. When Rose suggested she should paint for a living, Bella shrugged and said she would never manage if under pressure. She preferred to paint on whim for herself only.

I asked her to paint a self portrait for me, as a special favour but as the weeks passed I saw no evidence of one so I didn't persist.

A whole year somehow slipped by and it was time we all went and visited the parents back in Seattle. Alice was organizing the flights and such and Bella shocked me by telling Alice she would not be accompanying us.

I turned to ask why not and she explained she had promised herself to never go back there and would not elaborate further. It appeared nothing would make her change her mind. She was willing to discuss anything else, but why she avoided the state of Washington was not a subject she cared to debate.

We were sitting outside and the sun was going down and it was unseasonably cool so I went to our bedroom and grabbed the patchwork quilt my grandmother had sewn and took it out and put it around Bella's shoulders. She chastised me for using a family heirloom as a regular rug so I simply explained, my gran would have been happy to see it get used and not left draped over the chair in the bedroom, where it usually sat.

Bella held it tightly around herself and inhaled the faint scent of lavender that still clung to the fabric. Essence of a woman long dead but still alive in my heart. I was the Golden Child, the one she loved the most. She had used fabrics that held memories for us both. Leftover pieces from clothes and rugs and toys she had made me when I was a baby and child. And now it was as if my gran was embracing my Bella.

The weeks flew by and it was James annual party and officially one year to the day since the night we met. We were flying out the very next day so I spend every minute at the party glued to Bella's side and we danced as we had a year ago and my arms were full and reluctant to let her go. Once again, she came back to the apartment with me and we made love all night.

But in the early morning, I took her back to the house. I was having a hard time, knowing I would be parted from her for two whole weeks and I hoped to satisfy my parents with a shorter visit and come back a week early but Bella of course, put a stop to that. She told me she was looking forward to two weeks of sloth and complete rest so I sadly agreed to her rules. Two weeks and I could only phone mornings and evenings and I had to go out with my parents and siblings and have fun.

Like I would have fun without her.

She assured me her refusal to fly with us had nothing to do with the actual flying and she would be willing to travel elsewhere with me later if I so desired. And she had no problem with the idea of meeting my parents. She was happy for that to happen, if they came here so I passed this on to my mother who immediately started planning when she and my father could visit.

She was as anxious to meet Bella as I was for them to meet her so I knew it wouldn't be long.

The taxi taking me to the airport announced its arrival and Bella ran with me down to the driveway and she kissed me soundly and cupped my face and told me to be safe and come home to her soon but not too soon, and she stood and waved until the taxi was out of sight and I could no longer make her out.

I met up with the others at the airport, determined to put on a brave face but to my surprise, the trip was not too bad and the others were all talking about Bella anyway so it wasn't quite the painful separation I had anticipated.

I rang her when we landed and she was laughing that it had taken me so long to call.

My parents were delighted to have us home and to have Rose and Jasper as well and they both commented on Bella;s absence but I explained, Bella was Bella. She did what she wanted, she made the rules. I just gave in and went along, no matter how much I would have enjoyed her company and the chance to not be the spare wheel for once.

I rang every morning and again every evening and she was always happy to hear from me but still refused to answer the phone if I rang more often so I kept my promise not to even try that and she agreed to answer during the day seeing it would be an exceptional reason if I did ring.

Finally the time passed and we were flying home and I felt the pull as we got closer. My stomach was knotted with excitement and my arms were twitching to hold her. Being too far apart to feel the buzz between us was killing me, and suddenly my stomach clenched and an icy fear filled me.

What if she was gone? What if she had disappeared?

I could hardly breathe, I was so petrified of the possibility. I couldn't explain why, but her presence always seemed so temporary, much as I longed for the opposite. How would I even live without her now? I walked off that plane in a complete state of panic until suddenly I felt it. Felt her. Waiting for me.

She was at the airport, which I hadn't expected as she said she would be at the house, so I dropped my bag and ran to her and lifted her off the ground and twirled her around and then just stood and allowed my eyes to have their fill. She blushed at my intense stare and kissed me soundly on the lips and dragged me into a public bathroom where she proceeded to open my pants and free my eager erection and she fucked me good and properly as we heard the sounds of passengers and greeters only a thin wall away. What a welcome home! My arms stopped aching and my heartbeat returned to normal again, at last.

The trip in the taxi was torture and the grin on my face was broad and luminous as we got closer to the house and once we got inside, we didn't leave the bedroom except to grab snacks of cheese and crackers and fruit and wine, for three days. It made the trip look better than it had been, this reunion.

The first thing I noticed when we finally left the bedroom was the new patchwork quilt Bella had sewn in my absence. It was made with many floral and mauve fabrics and she told me it was machine sewn and able to be washed in the washing machine so practical and now I could treat my gran's quilt with the reverence it deserved. I wrapped myself in this new quilt and sure enough, it smelt of Bella's unique aroma. It was as if these women sewed something of themselves into these quilts. I smiled at some of the squares, recognising various remnants. Her gypsy skirts must be shorter by several inches now.

I sat by the fire and suddenly a new painting on the wall caught my eye. It was the self portrait I had requested she paint and it took my breathe away.

She was sitting on the patio at her easel, painting the portrait of me, which she had exactly reproduced in miniature onto the canvas in front of her, and she was smiling her secret smile as she worked and it radiated the love she felt for the man in the painting.

It was a clear admittance of love, though she had never said it in words, it was plain for anyone to see.

I loved it. It was perfection and I hung it beside the original portrait of myself in the sitting room. Bella and I, side by side. Where we belonged. Where we should always be.

Rose and Alice raved over it when they visited and she shyly pulled out a painting of Alice and Jasper playing in the water last time we had been down to the river. Alice was so happy and animated, you couldn't help but smile and feel her joy. Jasper was smiling crookedly at her from a few feet away and his eyes glinted with mischief as he raised the small bucket of water, preparing to toss it over her and we were all blown away yet again at her talent of capturing her subject and giving them life and personality.

Alice cried tears of happiness to finally have her own Bella Swan painting and I knew it had instantly become her favorite possession.

And Alice had a lot of possessions.

xxxxxx

Now...

Charlie Swan sat silently and listened as the best doctors money could provide told him the chances of his daughter regaining consciousness and recovering were becoming more and more slim and remote as time went on.

She had made no progress and they felt it was nearing time to move her to a hospice or similar care facility as there was nothing left for them to do for her here.

I knew they needed the bed and a patient with little hope of recovery cannot be put ahead of those who had better chances and would respond to intensive care.

For now, they agreed to simply move her to a private room and I paid for a series of private nurses to care for her around the clock.

I lay beside her every night now, fearful our time was limited and had a finite number of weeks and days before she would slip quietly away.

That seemed the most likely scenario.

Her husband had returned from wherever he had run to and had expressed the fear he could not bear to watch her die and he had never come back again so she was mine again now.

Nobody tried to part us and I stopped working, only consulted now and then if a case close to my field of expertise required a fresh pair of eyes and a second opinion.

Bella was my priority.


	5. Chapter 5

Calling Dr Cullen

Chapter 5

The Second Year

EDWARD'S POV

Then...

Esme and Carlisle were keen to visit so only a bare two months after our return, my parents flew to Paris and stayed in my guestroom. As I fully expected, Esme adored Bella and by the end of the first day, Carlisle was a little in love with her himself. She had a way with them, of giving her undivided attention and being so open and accepting that there was never any chance they wouldn't be captivated by her. I felt like the in- law, they both spent every waking hour with her and the gardens soon doubled in size as Esme and Bella planted and weeded and bought endless trays of seedlings and Carlisle read books to be able to answer Bella's questions about what would flourish in this area of France.

They clearly didnt want to leave and they extended their stay twice before eventually the day came when reluctantly, they said their goodbyes and waited for the taxi that would take them to the airport. Bella shyly handed them her parting gift, a portrait of course, featuring a scene of one of the days we had all spent eating outside in the sun, under the flower decked pergola. My mother was sitting playfully on my fathers knee, feeding him grapes, Alice was sitting beside them. Emmett and I were sitting on the ground playing chess. Bella was sitting with her back against my chest, between my legs, and I was holding her closely with one arm, my hand on her heart, as I moved my chess piece with the other hand. Rose and Jasper were both in the background, sitting in white cane chairs reading books. It felt like we would start to move and recreate that day.

Esme cried tears of joy at the gift and hugged Bella for the longest time, far longer than she hugged me, and I wryly knew, if it came to choosing sides, they would be Team Bella over Team Edward but I was glad of that. I wanted them to know her and love her as much as I did as I was beginning to formulate plans to have Bella agree to stay with me forever. I was going to take it slow but this year, I would be telling her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me and nothing would deflect me. Her usual unease when I tried to discuss the future would not stand in my way and ultimately, I planned to propose, once I thought there would be a chance she would accept. I knew if it came to a vote, every one of us, Rose included, would vote yes, but would Bella?

I was composing feverishly as the music was coming to me daily and once my parents left, I found myself unable to resist getting some of the compositions down on paper and I finally finished the two most important, a lullaby for Bella and a lullaby for my son.

Bella had forced me to create an emotional tie to the child I never really knew but held in my arms for those few minutes. She was determined his brief existence had to be acknowledged and she had shown the painting to my parents and explained the circumstances of his birth and death. She omitted the part about James being there at the conception and managed to make what Emily and I had sound more respectable; more like the beginnings of a relationship, not like it had been in reality at all.

I knew my parents were less than pleased that my reckless attitude that one night had led to the tragedy but they both teared up looking at Anthony's portrait.

We attended a few parties that year and I was happy to have the opportunities to be there as a couple, with my beautiful Bella on my arm.

One party she tried to talk me out of attending was for a work colleague at her office but I wanted to go, I wanted them all to see me with her, and she managed to scupper the evening very cleverly. Just as I rang the doorbell to the woman's flat, Bella smacked her forehead with her hand and sighed dramatically.

"What's wrong,love?" I asked, fully expecting her to come up with some excuse why we should go home, such as, she left something cooking or such. I knew she hadn't, so I was prepared to be firm but amused.

"I forgot to wear panties, Edward. I had that pair of black lace panties with the red ribbon ties that lace up at the back all ready to put on and I forgot."

She then marched inside as her friend opened the door and left me with my mouth hanging open and my own pants suddenly tight and on fire and it was the shortest period of time we spent at any gathering. I could not erase the image of those tiny panties, lying on our bed at home and the knowledge she was commando under the tight black slinky dress. Every time she bent over or turned away from me, I had a large problem and had to rush her home as soon as was decently acceptable to recitfy the situation.

I never forced her to attend any other gatherings she wasn't keen to go to after that. I learned my lesson.

Alice became pregnant that year and in time, successfully made Emmett and I uncles to her and Jaspers small son, Jaxon.

His birth started thoughts of having a child with Bella some day but I couldn't rush things. I knew she was skittish about all things permanent so I resolved to taking things one step at a time but ultimately, I now longed for the chance to be a father.

But only with Bella. She had to be part of that journey or it would be a journey I never embarked on.

Jaxon was a delightful baby and Alice was happy to leave him with us when she worked, which was only a few days per week now. The house seemed to come alive with this small person in it and Bella carried him around in one of those pouch sling things on her chest and talked to him constantly and of course, there were soon paintings of him on our walls and on Alice's and she sent a small one off to Esme.

It was different, having a baby in the house. Of course it made me wish Anthony had survived and that it was him in Bella's arms as she sat there in the old wooden rocking chair, singing lullabies and stoking the top of his little head. She loved him, just as she would have loved my son. I could only hope one day she would hold a son of ours in her arms and feel his little heart beat next to hers.

She seemed to drift away as she rocked Jaxon, and I wished I were an artist as well because a painting of this would melt anyone's heart. I took photos, of course, but they weren't the same. Naturally Bella knew my thoughts and in our bedroom, where we alone would see it, she hung a painting she had painted of the scene from my photos, only the blonde haired baby she was holding was replaced by Anthony.

My parents came to visit often, now they had a grandchild to dote on.

Esme smiled at me one day as I changed the baby's diaper and put him up to my shoulder to burp him, as Bella had taught me, and my mother sighed and laughed.

"Edward, I never thought the day would come when you would want all this. The wife, the baby, the family. I cannot wait until you and Bella have a child together. I can't believe I am saying this but I won't even be slightly disappointed if you two don't marry first."

I was a little shocked as Esme had always been a stickler for doing everything in the correct order but I knew how she felt. I would accept as much of Bella as she would give and if certain formalities were not acceptable to her, I would take what I could get. That being said, I still wanted it all. I wanted her to be mine in every possible way and if she would marry me, I would be the happiest man on the planet.

Bella always deflected any marriage talk like it was simply not in her life plan but I wanted desperately to change her mind. I wanted her walking towards me in the white dress, with friends and family there to witness our union. I wanted it badly and had many dreams where it happened and I would be crushed on waking to find it was not true, just a fantasy my mind had created in sleep.

Jaxon learned to shuffle on his bottom rather than crawl so he spent many days on our wide patio, which now was safely fenced at Bella's insistence. I did the work happily as I hoped other babies would need this protection as well. I realized with a start, I was no longer thinking of us with a child, but of a house filled with children. My transformation from dyed in the wool bachelor to wannabe full time family man was a shock to all but not to me. It was like I was always just waiting for her to come and release all these hidden desires inside me.

I started working on convincing Bella to come with us to Seattle on our annual visit, pointing out it would not only be us adults she would miss but also young Jaxon. Could she stand to not see or cuddle him for two whole weeks as she stayed behind alone? I was not above using my nephew if it achieved the desired result. She wavered for weeks but in the end, she stuck to her guns and refused once again to come.

I was bitterly disappointed, we had become so close and were an honest to God couple in every way that counted so it was a blow I had not anticipated.

James party was held three days before we left and I made it our tradition to go but to spend the whole night dancing with Bella rather than socializing as I had before she entered my life and took my heart and soul.

The night before our departure, I took Bella for a walk down towards the creek at the back of the property. It was time for plain speaking, if we were ever going to move forward. It was a risk, but I wanted more. I opened my heart to her.

"You know how much I love you. You know you are my life now. You are everything I want, everything I life would be nothing without you and we need to sort this, Bella. We are not kids. I'm coming back with every intention of proving to you that we need to get married. I want forever. I know you are scared, but it's not me you are frightened of. You fear we won't last, and I know we will. I will do everything within my power to prove to you there will never be anyone else.

You have no idea how empty and shallow my life was. I never thought I even wanted to settle down and meet a woman I could love like this, so it's all you...you made this happen. You changed me. I'm a completely different person to the selfish, lazy, lustful man I once was. I used women and now I'm ashamed of that. I lived for the day, the moment.

Now I need to live for an eternity spent with you by my side. Please spend these next two weeks thinking about this. I love you, my Bella. I only hope you love me back."

"Of course I do. I love you with all my heart, Edward. I don't understand why you need us to marry and to be honest, that opens a can of worms best left alone. But if it has to be that way, then I guess you are right. It is time. I have some things I need to do, but believe me, I would do them and anything else you wanted,for you. Only you."

She blushed a becoming shade of pink and smiled so I felt hope begin to grow inside. She had finally said she loved me which gladdened my heart no end and put me in a spin.

I was as giddy as a schoolgirl with her first crush.

Bella loves me.

Her words echoed in my head and my heart and I kissed her passionately goodbye as the taxi tore me away as it had the year before.

I called her the moment our plan landed and my heart gladdened at the sound of her excited voice. She hadn't reconsidered. She still loved me and wanted what I wanted. I couldn't wait to get back into her arms and she assured me, she couldn't wait for me to be there.

It felt as exciting and new as it had when we first met. This was real, and the beginnings of forever.

We often had trouble with cell phone coverage at the vineyard, depending on the weather, so I assumed the times my calls didn't connect in the latter days of the second week away were a result of some storms in the area which had been predicted. When our plane landed, I was first off and first to enter the airport but to my disappointment, she wasn't there waiting.

I grabbed a taxi without even waiting for the others. Alice took an age to get orgainised since the baby, so I just left and raced home to my Bella.

I knew the moment I entered the house that she wasn't there but I didn't realize she was gone. I just thought she had forgotten what time we were due back. I put a load of washing on to pass the time, poured myself a drink, then walked down to find Demetri, who told me Bella had been gone for a few days, he had assumed I knew.

I was a little perturbed but not panicked and I drove to her terrace house which she had never let go of, only to find strangers moving in. I couldn't get any sense out of the letting agent, he clearly had no idea where she had gone but he told me he had asked her to leave the murals on the walls and I was glad to hear that. I asked about who owned the building and decided to buy it myself so they would be preserved forever.

I went to the office and was told Bella had resigned earlier in the week, taking her holidays in leiu of working out two weeks notice.

Now I was seriously alarmed and I drove back to the apartment, but it was just as empty, and James had not seen her the whole time we had been away.

Then I drove over the speed limit back to the farm house and searched for signs that she had not truly left me completely. Her clothes were gone, her closet empty and as abandoned as I was.

I ran from room to room, desperate for some sign of her. No new paintings, no rugs, nothing.

The last room I checked was the downstairs bathroom which we rarely used and it appeared darker as I flung the door open.

I caught my breath as I walked in and was surrounded by deep blue walls, covered in underwater sea creatures on all sides. Even the ceiling was a paler blue, as if you were submerged at looking up at the surface of the ocean.

The floor was covered in yellow sand colored vinyl, and the inquisitive faces of dolphins, fish, sharks and turtles, in minute detail, looked at me as I stood laughing hysterically in the center of the room. I knew she was gone in that instant but she had made sure she would never be forgotten.

I felt shaken and bereft and torn to a million pieces and I made my way to see what wine was open in the fridge and finally found her note.

_Dearest Edward,_

_I am so sorry it ends this way, believe me, I would fight it if I could but this is how it has to be. Know you will be in my heart forever and I will always love you dearly. I had a life before we met and it has caught up with me. I knew it would be a risk to contact the past I needed to free myself from, and I was right. Much as I wish I could be yours forever, I already made that promise to another and I have to honor it or at least, give it my best try. Please, please don't search for me. I beg that of you. I know you love me and want what is best for me and at this time, sadly, it appears I have to try and fix the mess I left behind. Take care of my heart for I have left it with you. Yours, Bella.  
_

As much as it grieved me, I knew she really needed to leave and she didn't want me to follow or search for her so I accepted in that moment I was destined to live alone and never find happiness because she was my only possible source and she had left me.

I lay in the empty bath and chainsmoked as I drank from the bottle and conversed with the sea critters and celebrated the two best years of my life. I would probably never know happiness and joy and love again but somehow, it seemed the two years were probably more than I deserved and how long can you hold an angel down on earth? She needed to fly and be free and the best thing I could do for her was let her go.

Many bottles of wine later, Alice found me and let me cry in her arms as she gazed in awe at the painted walls.

"I love her Alice, she is my life. It's over now. She won't be back."

"Edward, please don't do anything reckless, promise me. We need you, we love you, and Jaxon needs both his uncles."

Her words were meant to comfort me but the tears streaming down her own face mirrored mine and I knew she was as grief striken as I was.

She stayed all that night and let me laugh at old memories of Bella, even the intimate details of our lovemaking that poured unbidden from my lips, and cry at the distress her leaving brought, and she cried along with me and made no pretense that this would leave us unscarred and unchanged.

The next few months were a blur of alcohol, pain, tears and many nights spent sleeping in the bathtub. I could never sleep in our bed again but I wrapped the quilt she made me around my always cold body every night, and I wept myself to sleep until I had no more tears to give.

I pulled myself out of my depression as the only alternative was to end it all now and I had promised a worried Esme and a folorn Alice that I would not do that.

I had no idea why I made that promise, death had to be better than this pseudo life. My music deserted me right when I needed it to help and support me, my family was my only comfort and I noticed one day Jaxon could walk and say a few real words and I had been in a semi comatose state, not dead but certainly not alive.

It had to stop. She wasn't dead. She was still somewhere on this same planet, I had to celebrate those facts. If she has died, I could have given up but my heart promised me I would find her again some day and surviving would be worth it when that glorious day came. The alternative was simply unacceptable so I tried to be the Edward she had loved, and day by day, little by little, the sea creatures and the paintings and I learned to survive without our source of sunlight and warmth.

Strangely, James understood my grief and never told me to shut up and get over it, he knew she had become such a part of me that I grieved as if I had lost my limbs and my mind and he just poured me another glass of comfort and let me ramble.

He did invite a few girls around once but I was so sickened at the idea of ever being with another woman, he sent them away again quietly and never went down that road again.

He accepted me for what I was, broken, bleeding, a half person who had lost his soul.

xxxxxx

Now...

Another day dawned just the same as all the rest and I stood up from Bella's side and kissed her forehead and looked anxiously for any tiny sign she was still with us and coming back.

The hospital had demanded she be moved now, too many months had passed for any hope to remain of a chance she would recover.

Charlie had come often but rarely spoke unless he told Bella tales of her childhood, he didn't seem able to cope with the present day.

This day he asked me if he could have some advice and I feared this was the 'I need to pull the plug for my own sanity' speech but he floored me by asking my opinion on whether Bella's daughter should be brought in to say goodbye.

To say I was stunned is a gross understatement.

Bella had a child? I wondered where this daughter had been the three years she was in France so I asked him straight out. The idea Bella had abandoned a husband had never bothered me, I had figured that bit out long before she wrote that note, but a child?

"No, Edward, Kristie is just a baby. She was born eight months after Bella came back from Paris. Jake always insisted she was premature but I suspect she is yours. Her copper curls and her green eyes. I suspected from the day you said you knew Bella in Paris, that you were the father but I had to keep some loyalty to my son in law and go along with the pretence Kristie was his. However, he has filed for divorce and is not seeking custody of the child so I assume I can now face it and speak the truth."

I was torn between the joy we had a child together and the grief we would never be a family now and my daughter would lose her mother.

Sue Clearwater had been looking after the baby and Charlie had her bring Kristie in to the hospital the day before we moved Bella to the hospice and I felt ready to see her for myself.

It was surreal, standing once again beside Bella, holding yet another child whose conception had not been known to me.

She was nearly seven months old by now, and although she had my hair and eye color, she was mini Bella in every other way. Her large eyes flashed the same way Bella's had, and she was tiny and slim and had a heartshaped face like her silent mother.

And also like her mother, she took to me immediately.

I'd all but lost my Bella but trust her to leave behind a reason to keep me here, alive, after she left.

I made a decision there and then and turned to Charlie.

"Do you need me to have a paternity test or will you accept I am keeping her?"

"I knew this is what would happen" he mumbled and I understood why he had waited this long to speak up.

"Of course, she is yours and I know you will want custody of her. I won't fight, Bella would want you to raise her, not Sue and I. She needs her father now more than ever."

"I am borrowing my fathers jet and taking both Bella and Krista to live in my house outside Paris. I will hire whatever nurses Bella will need but I can and will raise this child myself. You are welcome to visit and my mother will undoubtedly spend a lot of her life with us from now on, but please understand, I have to do this. I am not punishing you for keeping the truth from me. I have to take them home."


	6. Chapter 6

Calling Dr Cullen

Chapter 6

Home is Where The Heart Is.

Then...

I know my moodswings were driving everyone crazy. One minute I was in mourning then I would pull out of it and remember some happy memory, like the time Bella was lamenting her painting of a bird was unrealistic and the said bird sat on the easel and proceeded to crap on her painting.

Emmett had laughed uproariously.

"Can't get more real than that, Bella."

"I think it was just giving me its opinion of my so called talent," she quipped back.

Or the time she invited Rose and Emmett plus Jasper and Alice to dinner and did all the preparation and then I came inside just as she was loading the roasting pan into the oven.

I naturally walked up behind her and started running my hands up inside her skirt and she turned and kicked off her panties and grabbed my hand, pulling me upstairs. Three hours later, the guests arrived to find us naked and asleep and the oven stone cold as she had forgotten to light it.

That was Pizza night and Emmett kept reminding her every time she invited him to dinner.

"Are you cooking or just putting a roast into a cold oven so we order takeout?"

Emmett never let anything go.

Mainly I remembered the softness of her skin, the way she stroked me with her fingers so my whole body buzzed. The way her lips tasted and the way she welcomed me inside her. She had loved making love to me as much as I did to her.

I realized she had probably never intended getting so involved with me, and that first night she may have merely expected some good sex and fond memories. No doubt Alice had filled her in all about me and my lifestyle and at that point, she had been looking for the same thing.

Just some harmless fun. God knows neither of us had any idea how it would change so fast, before that next morning.

Had she known, I guess she would have refused to come next door with me, and just walked away. She hadn't needed more complications in her life. Who would have expected what stated as mainly lust could morph into love? Who knew touching would start the buzz? I'd taken home girls every time I went to James' parties, and at most, we'd spent two nights together, then kissed gooodbye and parted on good terms.

Nobody ever went home with me if they were looking for more than that.

Edward didn't do romance. Edward didn't believe in love, and he definitely did not even consider soul mates existed. That was just some idea some writer had invented so he could cut short the endless descriptions of how much in love his characters were. Once he used that label, you just sighed and knew what he was describing.

How could I have been so wrong? I never suspected my heart was in such danger, never even knew I was capable of those feelings for any woman. She had dropped into my life and bewitched me.

Now she was gone it was as if I'd lost my very soul. I ceased to care, I began to hate Paris and every place we had even been. The shops we had shopped in, the restaurants we had eaten in, even the river we had sat beside seemed to mock me. Looking from the windows in my apartment reminded me of her delight when she had first looked from them.

And the house...

The one place I had loved wasn't mine any more. It was Bella's. She was everywhere. She may only exist in that painting but her presence was everywhere. I couldn't sit in a room without seeing her there, sitting in a dim corner, lost in one of her romantic novels.

I couldn't even touch a single spoon in the kitchen without wondering if she had used that spoon. Had it crossed her lips?

Had she used this peg to hang out her gypsy skirt? Had her feet walked in the exact same place my feet were walking? Did the flowers remember her? Did the vegetable garden bloom like this because of her? Why hadn't it all died then, now she was gone?

I'd shut every window, hoping to smell her aroma somewhere, anywhere, in the house.

I refused to wash the sheets off our bed, because there was a chance some part of her remained on them. We shed skin cells. They were her skin cells therefore precious.

Alice was convinced I had gone insane and maybe I had.

I wanted to stay in that bath and stay cocooned in that quilt and pretend in was her holding me.

I didn't want anyone to visit, in case they obliterated some trace of Bella, and finally I just walked out the door and locked it behind me.

She wasn't here. Not really, and the memories were too real and too much.

Finally, I knew things had to change. My parents had invited me to visit and I decided once I saw Forks, to try and start anew.

I couldn't go back, not without her.

I secured a job working beside my father , though he only worked part time now, and settled in.

Emmett encouraged me to at least try dating or whatever, with some of the nurses, and I was sure I would ever be ready to start meaningless coupling again, as I had before Bella. I would never put my heart out there again. But I needed company and someone to talk to. Just when I was deciding who my first date would be with, along came the injured Miss Isabella Swan and tipped my world back off its axis.

xxxxxx

Bella's POV

Once I called Jake, I instantly regretted it. If only Edward didn't want to marry me. If only he'd be happy with what we had.

And the whole family thing.

That's what came between Jake and I in the first place. For the first two years of our marriage, we had not exactly tried for a baby, but we hadn't done anything to prevent one either. At first I was relieved that nothing happened instantly, then when Jake's sister got pregnant the first moth she tried, i started thinking maybe there was something wrong with me. Even though there had not been any conscious decision between Jacob and i to conceive, it should have already happened. Nobody got away with unprotected sex for two whole years, surely.

Jacob wasn't that worried and he joked that had we not bothered with the wedding, I'd probably have two kids already and another in the 'oven'.

"See, it's the single girls that get caught out. You are an old married lady. Fate isn't setting you up in it's sights because for us, it won't be a drama, just a natural progression. It will happen."

I wasn't as convinced so I took myself off for tests. The first lot were okay, just blood tests for hormone levels and a temperature chart to prove I was ovulating, and that seemed to pinpoint the problem. At most, I had three periods a year. That probably meant I only ovulated three times out of each twelve months, so it wasn't that surprising we were missing the critical time frame.

So, I was sent home with these plastic sticks to pee on. They looked a lot like pregnancy test sticks but actually they pinpointed ovulation. If the little window showed red, it was just time for fun sex with no expectations. If the window went green, it meant serious business. Time to make love as often as we could manage before the window of opportunity passed.

One year later, every stick was still red.

Jake had been understanding at first, but with Rebecca parading around with her own set of twins, and Rachel bulging with her second pregnancy,well, he was starting to tire of the questions.

It seemed the entire tribe wanted to know when it would be our turn. I didn't see the need to explain we were trying, just having some hiccups along the way but I knew Jake was hating the fact people assumed it was his fault.

I know, the fertility specialist said often enough that assigning blame was pointless, but Jake's sperm count was wonderfully high and his sperm were active and perfectly formed. You would think that reassurance would make it easier for him, but no, he couldn't actually carry the results with him and shove it in their faces, and there were no T shirts with "MY sperm are great, it's her fault."

And added to that was the fact the Quileutes still care about having a chief, even if it means virtually nothing to the rest of the world. Jake was an only son and he _had _to produce a son in turn.

The specialist didn't help when he joked most people with fertility issues had daughters if indeed they were eventually successful. I don't even know if that's a hard fact or just an anecdote about his own patients.

"God Bella, that means we have to have three tries or whatever. If we follow in dad's footsteps, we will have two girls before we even get a boy. We have to get started."

So, we escalated to the next step. Fertility drugs.

Pills at first but when we still got no green indicator, we moved to the heavy duty stuff. Hormone injections.

Despite the fact they left me vomiting in the bathroom morning and night, they never led to morning sickness.

Jacob was fed up and sick of me always being ill. Sometimes we'd be in the middle of making love and I'd have to push him off me and run to the bathroom to vomit.

Then he went to his High School reunion. A lot of his former friends had moved away but they came back for this celebration and he came home completely off his face.

"I'm the only one, Bella. Remember Quil? He's about a quarter my size, right? He has three kids. All boys!

And Embry? He has four. But it gets worse. Seth, little Seth, the CHILD, has a pregnant girlfriend and they are still in school. It's not natural. How can the future Chief have no kids when the entire tribe has more than their share? Sam has two kids to two women and now he's safely married, his wife is expecting twins."

I think that was the night I read the writing on the wall. Jake wanted out of this marriage.

He never said it was my infertility that was the straw that broke the camels back, he used every other excuse under the sun. We'd marred in haste before we knew what we wanted. We were different people now. e needed to find out who were we, before having kids. Yeah, because that was going to happen.

I didn't fight him.

I tried to explain to Charlie but he simply took my hand and looked into my eyes.

"Bella, I warned you it was never a good idea to marry a boy who has not sown his wild oats. It's just a fact of life. Men's brains are programmed to spread their seed far and wide to perpetuate their bloodlines. This was always going to happen. He didn't get to sleep around before he wedding, so now he is making up for lost time. But on the other hand, he will probably realize what he has lost and come back to you. You need to wait him out. Move back in here with me and get on with your life."

I listened, but the absence of Jacob ate at me and tore at my heart. I took a job in Seattle, just to get away but it didn't help so when my boss announced one of us was going to France on promotion, I wrote up a list of why it should be me.

She loved it. Especially the bits about how I would be willing and able to write some firsthand articles about whether French men really deserved the title of the world's best lovers.

I didn't actually sleep with enough of them to make comparisons, because I'd only been there a year when I met Edward. he did put the few French men I'd slept with to shame, but maybe that was because of the instant connection that had been absent in my few earlier affairs.

I truly was not looking for love, just sex. I'd tried love and it laughed when she heard about my quest and suggested rather than comparing my French lovers to Jacob, the only non- Frenchman I had been with, I should also try a few men from other countries. I told her I had not met a lot of Americans even, and tourists seem to come in pairs already, so did she have any suggestions.

She was sitting on my bed, having come to unload a new lot of haute couture onto me from her workplace. God knows why they used me to model their clothes, maybe because I was cheaper than a model. As in, free. I'd featured in the very magazine I worked for but nobody had ever suspected that model was me. Make up, the wild hair style, the smoky camera lens...I looked awesome. I was hardly going to point out that beautiful sexy creature was me to my workmates. I knew what their reactions would be.

"Really? Seriously? No, you are joking. Come on, Bella. For real?"

Yeah, didn't need it.

"Oh My God, what am I thinking? James is having a party tonight. His guests come from far and wide. You might even add an Inuit to your bedpost. You have to come. Wear this, and go shower. You are about to get a makeover, young lady."

I managed to keep her somewhat under control and left my house looking mainly like my usual self, just a little polished and dusted.

"Oh, look, Edward's here. I don't want any details, but he is always open to a couple nights of fun with a pretty girl. No point hoping for anything real, he doesn't do real. But hey, you want variety, give Edward a shot."

I looked across the room and when I realized who she meant, I stopped in my tracks.

Fuck yes. I wanted a piece of that. Research or whatever.

I could barely speak when we were introduced but it was okay, he seemed just as tongue tied.

We talked, we danced, we had the best time in a very long time, for me, anyway. I had no idea if this was going to be a one night stand and if he did the whole 'you are dazzling the shit out of me' routine with every girl he bedded, but whatever. By the time he invited me to his place, I was willing to settle for whatever he offered.

Then that first night, in Edward's bed, things got strange. I don't mean kinky. I mean, it felt like we had always known one another and not only that, like we had a connection. I assumed it was just me, imagining someone like him would want more with someone like me, but if he was acting, he deserved an Oscar.

Things escalated rapidly in and out of bed.

Then, just when I was cautioning myself and reminding myself I was not looking for love, because it would end just the same as it had with Jacob once he started wanting kids, along came Emily. I mean, I really thought the Universe was smiling at me for once. I talked to her for hours, trying to discover if she truly did not want to keep the baby, but she seemed determined to just abandon it and move one.

Her lifestyle was not that suited to motherhood, but I'd watched so many adoption stories on TV when I wondered if that was how it could be a solution for Jake and I if we never got our own baby, and the common recurring theme was: no matter how much the pregnant lady thought she didn't want the baby, more often than not she changed her mind once it was born. I tried to reign in my hopes, because IF it was Edward's baby, and IF he kept it, and IF he would settle for just one kid...my God, there was a possibility I could stay with him. Long term. Like, forever?

I genuinely did cry for Emily and Anthony when they died but I was also crying for the loss of the dream. It had been so close, i could almost taste it. I had to backpeddle and try and stop Edward talking about our wonderful, sunny future, because it was not ever going to be how he wanted it to be.

And Jaxon just proved to me that Edward would never be happy without kids. He didn't want one, he wanted heaps.

He kept adapting the house and patio to make it safe for Jaxon but listening to him whistle as he worked, and seeing the hope and expectation in his eyes, I knew he was doing these things for other babies as well.

Then, finally, he cornered me and told me outright he was going to marry me and he was going to have a family with me, and I knew I had to bail. I was not going through the slow rot again. Not watching the hope fade from his eyes as it had from Jake's. Not letting disappointment become our constant companion. Been there, done that.

No, a clean break.

One the flight home, with Jake's private detective who had not had a clue where I was until I phoned my husband, I felt something inside me die. God, I may not be what Edward needed, but he was everything I had ever wanted.

I was maudlin and lost in my own fog of depression when I reached Forks, but to my shock, there was Jacob, arms open wide, smiling that dazzling smile at me.

And I knew he was second best but isn't second best better than nothing? Better than changing Edward into a different person like I had once changed Jacob?

The reunion was not as hard as I feared, because Jake was truly sorry for what he had done and he was willing to do anything to make it up to me. Charlie had organized a surprise party, and the alcohol helped with how the night would end. In Jake's bed.

I was glad he knew I'd been drinking because when he made love to me that first time, I was completely freaked out. The wrong arms, the wrong body, the wrong everything.

I barely made it to the bathroom and I pretended it was the alcohol that made me sick, not the fact I'd just cheated on Edward. It wasn't that I would ever go back to him, but it was still cheating.

I worked on that and self hypnotized myself into believing this life was one that I wanted.

Then the morning sickness began.

It threw me for a loop, you could say. Then, before I even processed the thought that I was going to be a mother, I realized i had no idea who the father was. If the pregnancy was longer than six weeks, it was Edward's. If it was later, then it was Jake's. If it was six weeks exactly...

"You know, at this point, it's impossible to date it precisely. Six weeks, seven weeks..."

Fuck me. Fuck my life.

Jacob refused to consider it was anyone's baby but his, and I needed to know. Testing for paternity was risky and God knows I was pretty damned sure I would only ever get one shot at this, so there was no way I was risking losing the baby just to alleviate my curiosity.

I wanted it to be Jake's. I told myself that but the thought that if it was Edward's, then there was nothing to prevent us being so happy we would probably explode, kept filling my head.

Once she was born, I held her for hours, looking for a sign. I could hardly insist on a DNA test now. Now Jake finally had a child. It wasn't a boy but he had fully expected a girl first up, and he adored her.

Every morning the first thing I did was hold Kristie up to the window and search her hair, and her eyes, for a sign.

Just one touch of copper in those locks, just one smattering of green in her slate blue eyes, and I would take this baby and run. I went as far as buying one of those baby seats that you can take in planes, and booking an open dated ticket for both me and her, while I waited.

Jake found out, of course, and was furious.

"I have to know. If this is Edward's baby, he deserves to meet her at least," I ranted so many times.

"Just have the test Jake. If she's yours, fine. I will never mention Edward's name again."

I knew I was lying even as I said the words. If Edward wanted to raise this baby regardless of who fathered her, I'd be gone. I was going to call and tell him. Either way. But I really wanted to know first whose baby she was. It would be so much sweeter to hand her to Edward and tell him he was the father. I wanted that more than anything. That thought, that hope and dream, kept me going.

We were still making love, when Jake insisted, but I laid down the law he had to use condoms, and he wasn't pleased at all. He wanted more children and as far as he was concerned, Kristie was merely the first.

Then came the day it all came to a head. I was reading on the internet and discovered nowadays you could merely send in a toothbrush, and get a paternity test done. I'd assumed you needed a willing man to take blood tests and have his inner cheek scraped and all that stuff like they did in movies.

So, I stole Jake's toothbrush and sent it away.

He saw the transaction on the creditcard account and threw a fit. Who's The Daddy was such a bad name for a company. Things had been tense and rocky but now it was outright war. I heard rumours Jake had left town, but he would be back. He would claim Kristie if nothing else, if she was his. He'd paid to get a copy of the results sent to his phone as well.

I moved back into Charlie's house and the day before the results were due, I ran into Mike Newton. It seemed there was to be a reunion of our old schoolfriends and I needed the distraction. Charlie was more than willing to mind Kristie, and I needed a couple of hours to catch up and hear how other people' slives had gone since we graduated.

I was actually having fun, forgetting all the confusion and misery my life had descended into, when the pain hit. It was sudden and all encompassing and I'd already had my appendix out, so what the Hell was this? I thought I was dying, to be honest.

Mike tried to get me to the hospital as fast as possible, and that's when it all goes black.

I can't see, I can't hear but surely this is not death? More suspended animation. And I can feel Edward. Feel the buzz. If this is Heaven, then it is not living up to what I'd hoped it would be, but, then, I can feel Edward so maybe that is enough, after all.

xxxxxxxxxx

EPOV

Now...

Bella was quickly settled into the room which used to be my music room. I had the piano moved out into the sitting area and packed my papers and unfinished compositions away. Esme had come to help Alice and now the largest guest room was a pink and white nursery for Kristie. Alice had asked the baby's full name as she wanted to attach small wooden alphabet letters to one wall so Kristie would learn to recognize and spell her own name.

I had her birth certificate amongst the papers Charlie had given me, along with two beautiful paintings of my daughter. As a newborn, laying in Bella's arms and as a baby of maybe three months. It was the last thing Bella had painted and it was beautiful. I got Alice to hang the last painting in Kristie's room, the other joined the portraits of myself and Bella in the sitting room.

I dug out the birth certificate and a lump caught in my throat.

"Kristabelle Paris Swan."

Father: Unknown.

Not any more. I was determined to have whatever tests would be needed to get the certificate amended and my name added.

Bella's diary was amongst the papers and I sat and read about her life from when she returned to Forks.

She had never known Kristie was mine.

The test had been the straw that broke Jake's back and he had run away.

Her plane ticket and a second ticket for our daughter were amongst her papers

She wanted to come home. She wanted the baby to be mine. The reconciliation was a complete failure and she had found her feelings for me too strong to be ignored.

I don't think she had any idea she was pregnant again with the ectopic embryo. There was no mention at all, no suspicions. She wrote about meeting Mike again and their plans to attend the reunion so she could catch up with their old friends. No matter what he may have thought, from Bella's point of view, there was nothing ever going to happen between them.

If not for that accident, she would have been back in my arms, complete with my child and our lives would have gone on and been so very happy.

It was just so sad she had no real knowledge before she was hurt that she was giving me my own little girl. I guess Jake has known for a while that Kristie is not his child and that's why he stayed away. Why he didn't fight for her, or for Bella.

Bella's nurses did eight hour shifts and slept in the guest bedroom upstairs. The night shift nurse offered to sleep in Bella's room with her but that was my job. Every night I lay beside her and stroked her pretty but noticeably thinner face and curled my body around her.

She was my everything and I insisted on her new specialist making house calls every day to check on her and adjust her feeding or drips, to keep her alive as long as possible. Charlie had begged me not to have her put on life support and I honored my promise. She would go when she was ready but until then, she had the very best care available.

While she managed to breathe by herself, she would get everything medically possible to help her heal.

Kristie would sit quietly when I took her to see her mother and she would gently pat Bella's face, seeming to know her mother needed gentleness.

God knows this baby could be a wild child at other times. She and Emmett rolled around the floor and mock wrestled each other, only Kristie would forget and pummel her uncle with her little fists and Emmett actually copped a couple of small bruises, which amused everyone no end.

Esme almost lived here full time, as did my father. They were loathe to leave my side and I knew we were all doing the same thing.

Living in limbo until the time came.

I lay awake at nights, kissing Bella's cheek and pleading with her to stay. I promised to never ask anything of her ever again, if she would just hang in and stay with me. Even unconscious, she was my reason for living.

Kristie was the most adorable baby ever but I still worried she wouldn't be enough to force me to stay once Bella was gone. Could I really leave my only living child parentless?

But how could I remain in a world where Bella didn't exist? It was impossible.

I had to have the talk with Emmett and Jasper and the girls. I needed to make one couple her legal guardians and the other couple her Godparents. They promised if anything happened to me, they would all pitch in and raise my child. Rose and Emmett seemed the obvious choice for her new parents so I had my solicitor draw up the necessary papers and we all signed them, with a sense of foreboding that now nothing would keep Bella with us. Her child was guaranteed a new mother and father, what more did she need to stay for?

I had made my Will, leaving everything I owned to our daughter but asking the vineyard be kept until she was 21 and could decide if she then wanted to sell it. I left Emmett and Rose plenty of money to raise and educate her properly. I left Jaxon enough money to start his own business when the time came.

It was a beautiful day and when I awoke, something felt different.

My stomach churned and I raced to call everyone to my side. I just had a feeling today was the day.

Esme dressed Kristie and Carlisle helped me and the nurse take Bella out to lay in the gentle Winter sun on the patio. She needed to be under the open sky.

I sat beside her and clasped her hand and kissed it a hundred times.

Alice sat beside me and rubbed my leg and didn't try to stem her own tears.

"You have to tell her its okay and she can go. You are holding her here, Edward. She won't go until you tell her its alright."

I stared at Alice.

"It will never be alright. I can't do that."

"You can and you will. Look at her, Edward. This is not Bella. Bella was happy and noisy and full of life and love. This is a shell."

She was right.

Esme brought the baby over and I held her on my lap and told her to kiss her momma goodbye.

She smiled at me and patted Bella's head.

"Momma."

"Yes, baby, say goodbye to Momma."

"No."

Okay, I knew the 'no' phase would start someday just not yet. She was about to have her first birthday. Wasn't this more a terrible two's trait?

Esme picked her up and turned to take her inside.

"No, Mom. Leave her here. She can play around and be with her mother for the last time."

Rose was in tears but she brought her camera and took endless photos of Bella and Kristie and myself and all of us with the center of my world. I didn't care, I wouldn't be here to grieve over them and cry at the memories.

I had given a lot of thought about how I would die and I had decided to do it quickly once Bella left so we could be buried together in the one grave. One casket, one burial plot. Literally together forever.I had even had the local government grant permission for us to be buried on my vineyard. I had chosen the spot, down the hill a little but still high enough to catch the sun in Winter and hear the brook as it babbled below us.

Everything was arranged, there would be nothing for Charlie or my parents to have to do or decide.

I had my drug of choice locked safely away along with two syringes. My death, unlike Bella's, would be instantaneous and they would have no chance of reversing the effects. I would inject and die. Simple. Much as I wanted to die away from my home and family, I couldn't chance them not finding me in time to bury us together so I planned to ask for time alone with Bella once she left and then I would do it.

I would make sure Esme kept the baby far away, in her room, once Bella left.

Bella started to quietly moan and move around as she had before and I leaned over her and kissed her lips.

I had to do as Alice suggested.

"You can go now, my angel. I love you and I will be with you soon."

"No, Edward."

I looked at her in shock.

She had spoken?

"Bella?"

"No, Edward."

"Bella, talk to me."

The baby stood still and her bottom lip began to tremble as she picked up the tension.

"Dadda."

I turned and held my arms out to her.

"Come here, Kristie."

She toddled on her unsteady legs and clung to me tightly.

"Bella, Kristie is here. She needs you."

Bella frowned and her eyes moved beneath the lids.

I held my breath as she slowly opened them and squinted against the light.

I leaned over her so her eyes were shielded against the sun.

"Kristabelle?"

"She has grown a bit since you saw her," I added.

Was this a good sign or a last goodbye?

"Momma, momma," chanted the baby.

"We love you, Bella," I added.

I squatted beside her and kissed her lips, glad the others had gone. If this was our last goodbye, the final words she would hear would be mine.

"I love you, Bella, with all my heart."

"I love you, Edward."

"Then don't go. Don't leave me."

"I won't" she promised and sighed and fell asleep.

It was different this time. Her eyes were moving beneath the lids, she was moving restlessly as she tried to get into a more comfortable position.

"Carlisle. Esme" I yelled.

They were beside me in a flash. I handed the baby to my mother and explained all that had happened to Carlisle. He reached for Bella's wrist and gently raised an eyelid then he grinned at me.

"Asleep. Not comatose."

We sat there grinning like idiots as Esme cried tears of joy and rocked a bewildered Kristie in her arms.

Bella was coming back to me.


	7. Chapter 7

Calling Dr Cullen

Chapter 7

Rebirth

EPOV

"Bella. Put that baby down and come sit down" I ordered. This woman will be the death of me. Granted, her recovery has been quick and there have been no relapses but still, she has been awake for a mere six weeks and she tries to act like nothing ever happened.

Her memory has been slightly affected and on occasion, she will stop me saying something and ask for a full explanation as she has forgotten the incident or person I am discussing. Her doctors say there is nothing to worry about as she went through a lot of trauma and is bound to suffer some after effects but it worries me.

And I don't want her pushing herself. I know she missed a lot of Kristie's babyhood but one day , maybe, we will have another child together and she can enjoy that instead. I know nothing can replace the time she lost with Kristie, because nothing can replace the time she lost with me.

I lived it.

I had handed my father the small case containing my suicide kit and asked him to dispose of it for me as I didn't ever want it getting into the wrong hands and my need to have it was over. Carlisle was deeply shocked but I don't know why. Surely the fact Bella is my entire life has been evident for some time now.

Kristie is now walking and running confidently and doesn't need her mother to be picking her up and carrying her all the time. I know its a joy to have her in your arms or on your hip but Bella has to take care of herself first.

I set up her easel, its time she started having interests again and I know she will regret not painting reminders of Kristie at this age. She is so active and hyped up, always chuckling and up to mischief and its wonderful to have such a beautiful reminder of our love.

She is like both of us in looks, tiny and petite like her mother but my coloring. Green eyes that flash in joy and temper alike, brown hair that shines copper highlights as opposed to Bella's own mahogany highlights. Long slim fingers that bang on the piano keys until I remind her to be gentle. She has always understood gentle.

Esme cannot drag herself back home even though Carlisle has returned, to tender his resignation and take early retirement. They are building a cottage on the furthest boundary of my property here so they will be close but still be out of sight from our house and we will all enjoy privacy.

I sat down on the lounger and held my arms out to Bella and she laughed and sank into them. Pulling her down beside me, I kissed the face of the woman who completed me and rubbed her arms up and down.

"Rest. What is hard to remember about you needing to rest?" I questioned.

"I want to play with Kristie. Its still hard for me to reconcile this toddler with the little baby I last saw her as."

"She can play around you. She did when you were asleep. She is used to amusing herself by staying close by you."

"I wish I could have heard her or something, anything. All those months of blackness. I didn't like it, Edward. Your absence was everywhere. I missed you so much even when the buzz started and told me you were nearby."

I kissed her neck and knew what she meant. Her absence in my life had been like a physical entity, always making me aware there was a hole in my world, something was missing. I could feel that she wasn't there, if that makes sense.

Even having her back apparently dying had been better than complete absence.

Kristie loves the bathroom and pats the dolphins on the wall and babbles in her baby language to the crabs and turtles.

I told Bella how much that room had meant to me in my dark days of missing her.

She smiled sadly and said she knew she had to leave me something but she had wondered after she left, if I had painted over her artwork in temper or pain.

She understood me well. Many days I wanted to throw buckets of white paint onto the walls and erase her but I never did, somehow by the time night fell it was kind of like she was there with me, if I lay in that bath wrapped in my quilt, my second layer of skin and protection.

One day, about three months after her awakening, she asked me if I wanted to have more babies with her. I had to tread carefully as she had never asked about the pregnancy with Jake or how it ended. She never brought it up so I never said a word, assuming she wasn't ready to explore that area of pain yet. Or maybe she just never knew about it.

If she ever asked, I would tell her.

"One day. In a few years time, I would love to have more babies with you and be there when you get too fat to dry your own feet after a bath or fit through the front door," I said.

"I remember every second of my pregnancy with Kristie, once I found out I was indeed pregnant. I wish it had been clear I was already pregnant before I left then I would never have left you. I felt I had to try again with Jake, I knew it wouldn't work but I had to close that door so I could properly open the new door to you. I am glad he and I never had a child together, or I would have never managed to sever ties with him as I have. I don't miss him at all."

"I would have accepted his child and raised it," I assured her.

"Lucky he never impregnated me still. I only want your babies to grow in my womb."

"Bella, you were pregnant to Jake when you came into the hospital after the accident," I told her, holding her close and tight in case she reacted badly.

"I was pregnant? To Jake? What happened?"

"It was ectopic, tubal. They had to remove the right tube so your fertility has been decreased. Not halved, but decreased."

"Edward, I am already infertile. I had all the tests years ago and was told I would never conceive so if I managed it twice, I suppose my luck may have all run out by now."

"I think if its meant to happen, one day it will. Kristie was determined to be born and if there are other babies out there for us, they will find a way to get here. Maybe we will adopt or hire someone else to carry it for us," I suggested. I wanted her to know already she had options.

She rubbed her stomach thoughtfully.

"I want your baby inside me, not some other woman. I would be too jealous."

"She would be artificially inseminated. I wouldn't sleep with her, no matter what," I explained.

"I know but her feeling your child inside would hurt me too much. I can't believe you were ready to accept Jake's child so easily".

"Your child, Bella. Any child related to you would be mine automatically."

We led an easy and carefree life for the next year and then, when Bella did fall pregnant long before I was ready to see her risk her life again, I was worried but couldn't help being delighted as well.

She was buzzing with excitement and I prayed it would all go well and leave her unhurt and not threaten her life or her health. Despite many doctors assuring me Bella was fully recovered and the coma was more related to the car crash than the brief pregnancy, I still overthought and worried. My Bella.

Sharing her body with my second child.

Krista was growing into a wonderful little girl, and I was glad in that respect that the children would be fairly close in age and thus company for each other but as Bella's belly grew, my unease increased.

I couldn't bear for anything to go wrong and hurt my Bella again. I started to wish I had gone for a vasectomy and avoided this situation as every time she felt even slightly ill or tired easily, I felt panic in my belly and heart. If she made it through this pregnancy, I swore it would be her last. I was not willing to put her at risk over and over and two children seemed like a good number to me.

Bella always wanted a son so I hoped she would get him this time. I had absolutely no preference, I just wanted the whole thing over and done and for mother and baby to be safe and well.

I lay in bed at night, with Bella in my arms, my hands on her belly, and hoped I was just being overly concerned and dramatic as at times, I was almost paralysed with fear for her. Carlisle told me there was no reason for my fears, medically Bella was as likely to survive this birth as most other women her age, but it didn't help.

I had started fisting my hair and tugging it unconsciously during the day as I watched her walk about, her girth increasing, her spirits always high. She was happy, I just need to relax and accept our Fate.

Whatever would happen, my stressing wasn't going to change things.

I overheard a conversation between Bella and Esme one day when they walked by where I was crouched, pulling a few weeds from the garden, and they had not seen me.

"I cannot tell him, Esme. He is wound up enough. You come with me for the scan again, please. I can't burden him with any more worries. Its not like he sleeps and he rarely eats or relaxes. He will be a nervous wreck by the time this birth happens. I think he will cope better if we keep it from him and just hit him with it on the day, then he will have to accept it and cope."

"I can't agree with you, Bella. Edward has always coped better when he knows all the facts ahead of time, good or bad. Think about telling him, please. Of course I will come with you, if that's what you prefer. And I will keep your confidences, its your secret to tell, not mine."

I almost went into full heart attack mode. She knew something and was protecting me from the truth. Was I going to lose her? Was something wrong?

I wanted to ask but I decided to allow Bella and my mother to go to the doctors appointment together and simply follow and turn up mid scan and see whatever the problem was for myself. When I thought about it, Bella had not brought home any of those grainy scan photos they normally give expectant mothers. Last time she had 'forgotten' her appointment and just happened to be out shopping with Esme and remembered just in time to go, yet not soon enough so I could meet them at the doctors rooms. She had said the machine was faulty and there were no pictures but I couldn't see how the machine could do the scan if it was faulty.

The night before it was scheduled, I lay spooning Bella and holding her belly loosely as she slept and I felt an amazing thing. Something nudged against my hands and I almost cried out in surprise. I lay there in the same position and waited and sure enough, the baby moved higher and kicked against my other hand.

"Hello, little one," I whispered."I hope you will be okay bit I have to know your mother will be fine too. She is so important to me, and you are too," I hastily added. Who knows what babies hear and store away and how soon. There was no further movement and when I told Bella the next morning,she growled that I hadn't woken her up to share the moment. I reminded her, she needed her sleep and that was more important.

"I am not some delicate piece of china, Edward. I am perfectly..."

She stopped and grabbed my hand and held it against her belly and smiled at me, dissolving the alarm that had hit me when she didn't finish her rant.

The Nudger bounced against my hand and I grinned back at her. It paused and moved again and I moved my hand higher and laughed when I felt the second round of kicks.

"He is so active already," she said surprised.

"He?"

I questioned. Did she know something I didn't?

"He, she, it. Happy now?"

I pulled her towards me and held her face in my hands.

"Bella, please be happy even if this is another girl. I truly don't think I can go through another pregnancy. Its too hard and too scary for me. I know the statistics, the most dangerous thing you can put into your body apart from illegal drugs, is a baby. I can't let you be at risk again. This needs to be our final baby. Can you agree with that for me?"

She smiled and cradled my own face in her hands and kissed my lips tenderly.

"That's okay with me. The morning sickness has been twice as bad this time, my breasts are so sore all the time, and my back is already aching non stop. I can agree to this being our last pregnancy if you can agree to relax and enjoy it. Nothing will happen to me, I promise. I have to live and be here for you, I know that. Carlisle told me, Edward. I know what you had planned and I never want to hear you thinking that way again. Our children will need you if anything ever happens to me so promise me you will stay for them? If I go first, I will wait patiently for you to join me, don't hurry anything along. Promise me?"

I clasped her hands and promised, reluctantly, to live without her of forced to.

I would keep my promise but it lay heavily in my heart.

Esme arrived and Bella kissed me and Kristie goodbye and headed towards Esme's car. They thought I didn't know she was having this scan, so I waved casually then called Rose and she was on my doorstep within five minutes, putting her arms out to take Kristie from me.

"Thanks Rose. I won't be long. I hope."

"Just go, Edward Good luck."

I had confided my fears to both her and Emmett and they both agreed I should do this and find out for myself, good or bad.

I made my way to the doctors rooms and told the receptionist I was running late and my wife was already inside and she took me into the room where my mom stood beside the bed Bella lay on , as the doctor moved the transducer over her belly.

"...and twin number two is lying transverse but don't worry, he will probably turn after twin one is delivered. I don't see any reason at this stage for you to be thinking about a c section but with twins, that can change at any point, even during labor."

I heard the words as the blackness closed in and I fainted onto the floor.

BPOV

Esme and I both turned as we heard the body slam onto the floor.

Edward.

Of course, who else would it be.

Esme rushed to his side and I smiled at the doctor who was standing open mouthed.

"I knew he wouldn't handle this piece of news well," I told him, grinning as he stared at my Edward's prone body.

The nurse hurried back into the room and started shaking Edward's shoulders and slapping his cheeks, trying to bring him around.

"Let me try, dear," said Esme and she leaned over close and said loudly near his ear;

"Eavesdroppers never hear what they want to, Edward. Now be a man and wake up now."

Edward opened his eyes and they darted about the room until they caught mine, then he looked at me and managed a weak smile.

"Twins" he said, and promptly passed out again.

x

The delivery was planned well ahead of time and fortunately, Edward had survived the remainder of the pregnancy and was excited but nervous when the day arrived that was to be the birthday of our new babies. Kristie was staying home with Rose, Esme and Carlisle were coming with us, so Edward had his own doctor on hand should he need him, and Alice was meeting us there.

Rosa, our new housekeeper that Edward had hired the very day he discovered I was carrying twins, had settled in and was running the household wonderfully, so we were set. Our new au pair/nanny was an Italian lady who had helped raise many children from infancy so we had plenty of help on hand.

I had no time to be nervous, Edward was doing that for me instead, worrying enough for everyone, so I held his hand tightly as Carlisle drove us to the city hospital where our twins would be delivered. I was still two weeks shy of the due date but the doctor was not taking any chances, I think the frequent phone calls from Edward all hours of the day and night had convinced him to take a very cautious attitude with me.

After we arrived and I was settled in my large private room, I lay down and practiced deep breathing exercises and gazed at my beloved Edward as I breathed in and out. I love him so much. I have never felt this way about any other person in the world. He is my everything. I adore and love Kristie but she is my child so that's an automatic love. My love for Edward is something I chose to allow to develop and grow but it took a life of its own and changed me forever. I would have come back to him if I hadn't been in that car with Mike that day.

Mike.

He had eventually recovered the use of his legs and after a lot of therapy, he was living independently and normally again. He had fallen in love with his physiotherapist and they had married six months ago.

Edward's cell phone buzzed and he answered, after frowning at the screen when he checked to see who was calling.

"That should be turned off," I huffed at him.

A pain hit my abdomen suddenly and I clenched my hands and started my breathing exercises. I am sure the idea is simply to try and distract the mother, they don't actually decrease the pain at all.

He was beaming when he hung up and he kissed me, ignoring my pain and shouted "Yes!" and punched the air.

"I have to go, I will be right back." and before I could threaten him with bodily harm if he took one single step outside that door, he was gone.

Lovely.

The man who can't wait for his childern to arrive has just abandoned me in the early stages of labor.

I was moved immediately to a Delivery room and monitors were attached to my belly and Alice, Esme and I sat and listened to the two extra heartbeats as they echoes around the room.

Rose arrived before Edward came back. Kristie was fast asleep so she had left her with the nanny and come to be involved in the fun.

Edward peered into the room and beckoned Alice and Rose to leave with him. I huffed at him and Esme stood and looked angrily at the space he had briefly occupied.

"That son of mine. I have no idea of what is going on with him today. I thought they would have to surgically remove him from your side to deliver the babies."

Minutes later, Edward walked back in and asked Esme to leave.

"Edward, your mom has been with me all morning while you ran off and did whatever you did. I think she deserves to stay."

He kissed his mothers cheek and said "Fine."

He walked to my side, and got down on one knee and held out a ring in a small velvet box.

"Bella, will you do me the honor of agreeing to be my wife?"

"Edward, there is one small problem. I am still married to Jake."

"Actually you aren't. The divorce just came through."

"Oh. Good. Then, in that case, Edward, I would love to be your wife.."

"Good" he replied and slid the antique gold and diamond ring up my finger, and kissed it.

Then he stood and walked to the door. Rose and Alice ,wearing pretty matching plum colored knee length formal dresses walked in, accompanied by Jasper and Emmett in gray suits. The girls carried bouquets of tiny pink roses and white flowers and the men had a spray of the same in their buttonholes. Edward was in a casual pair of darkwash jeans and a black shirt so at least I wasn't the only only one not dressed for a wedding.

A woman walked in behind and introduced herself.

"My name is Jane and I am here to perform your marriage today in a civil ceremony. Not before time, I see," she laughed and winked at me.

"Edward! You didn't say anything about today!"

"I want us married before these twins are born. We have to do this now."

A tidalwave of pain stopped my answer, and Esme grabbed my hand.

"Get the doctor, Edward. She needs some pain relief."

I then suffered the indignity of having an epidural placed in my spine while my wedding attendants stood about, waiting for the service.

Once the pain disappeared, the doctor examined me and told Edward to hurry this up because we didn't have much time to spare. I was almost fully dilated already.

Everyone took their places and I sat in my attractive backless hospital gown, adorned with carousel horses and ribbons printed all over the fabric, drip in my right hand, bouquet of roses in my left hand and prepared to become Mrs Edward Cullen.

"Dear Friends and family" began the woman..

"The shortest version you can do, please" piped up the doctor as the machine monitoring my contractions bleeped and raced.

"Okay, well, we are here today to join Edward and Bella in marriage. Does anyone have any objections? Right. Edward, do you take Bella to be your lawful wife, in sickness and in health.."

"and in labour" added Emmett with a cheeky grin.

"Bella, do you take Edward.."

"Fasten this up,please" urged the doctor.

"I do" I gasped as a contraction hit even above the numbing of the epidural.

The doctor ordered Edward onto the bed behind me as he said his own "I do's" and everyone cheered as we were pronounced husband and wife.

I leaned back against my new husband and felt my insides lurch and clench , as the doctor shooed our wedding party out and a team of nurses entered instead. Carlisle had introduced himself to the staff and they knew he was a doctor as well as a grandparent, so he stood at the business end but I was too involved with what was happening to remember he could see bits no father-in-law should ever see.

"The head is out," he announced excitedly and his grandson entered the world, loudly bellowing at the indignity of the vast audience, including Emmett's face as he watched through the glass window in the door.

"It's a Boy," shouted Emmett."Yes!"

The baby was shown to me and I quickly kissed his face as he was whisked away to be cleaned and wrapped.

The second twin moved down into place and I watched as a nurse pushed on my fortunately numbed stomach and the second twin slid into the doctors waiting hands.

"Boy! Another boy!" screamed Emmett, clearly thrilled.

Edward looked dazed but he managed to hug me close from behind, and kiss my face as I turned towards him.

"Two sons, Bella. Thank you."

"No problem, husband," I replied.

We were each handed a blanketed baby and we sat side by side and gazed at the faces of our sons. The staff had left us in peace for a few minutes and I longed for a shower and some proper clothes, but my sons both overruled those plans and Edward smiled broadly and kissed each baby and my own face, again and again.

"You get to name that one and I am naming this one," I announced.

"Name?" spluttered Edward.

"It is legally required, and a tradition, to name your offspring," I told him.

"But,what, I don't know. What's a good name? God, He will be stuck with this forever."

"Edward, have you honestly not even thought about what you would like to name your sons?" I asked.

"Bella, all I have thought about is, please God, let them be born safely and let Bella be alright. Nothing more than that."

"What are you naming yours?" he asked.

"Benjamin Edward Cullen" I answered. I had picked this name out before the pregnancy test even said Positive.

"Ben? I like Ben. No, I want to name this one Ben."

"No, Edward. You have to chose a name yourself. It's not that hard. Do you want to name him Edward junior?"

"No, never. Edward is too old fashioned. I never liked it."

"Fine. What name did you always wish you had, then?"

"Josh. It sounds kind of sexy and manly and I secretly pretended I was named Joshua Masen Cullen."

"Then why don't you name our son Joshua Masen Cullen?"

"Okay, great idea. Hi Josh. I wish I had your name."

Soon we were invaded by grandparents and aunts and uncles and Godparents to our twins and finally I got my shower and change of clothes and everyone handed the babies around from one welcoming pair of arms to another.

Later that night, Edward sat beside me as the nanny brought Kristie to visit and we introduced her to her brothers. Edward had placed a wrapped gift in each crib and he handed them to Krista and told her the babies had bought her presents so she was delighted, and she opened the boxes and clutched the identical baby dolls to her chest.

"Kristie's bubbies" she chortled.

"This one is Josh and this one is Ben" Edward told her.

"Dosh. Ben" she repeated.

"Near enough, sweetheart." He kissed her and we sat and the nanny took some photos for us.

Then she took Kristie home and the babies both lay asleep in their cribs.

"Maybe we need two more nannies," said Edward.

I wasn't about to argue. I remembered crying with tiredness when Kristie was a new baby. Those first few months are so hard.

"Do it," I said.

"Really? Where will they all fit?"

"I don't care. Edward. Set the music room up as a dorm and shove them all in there. Its a big room."

Edward lay beside me and pulled me close.

"Thank you Bella."

"You already thanked me for the twins" I reminded him.

"No, thank you for making my life perfect."

I smiled and kissed him sweetly.

Let's see how he feels about his perfect life when this pair have screamed all night for a week and his clothes smell of baby vomit and Kristie clings to his leg in jealousy.

But knowing Edward, he will think that is the perfect life.

THE END


End file.
